Stolen Pieces

(So I have an old blog from 2009 that I looked up. I decided to possibly share a couple of the entries from there on this current blog. Amazing to see the difference time really makes. I was 20 years old when I wrote this. This was called 5 Letter Word.)

 

I use to find rocks when I was little
You know, the pretty ones
I use to say they looked like crystals
My grandpa would sit on the porch
And I'd run to him with my treasure
I never let it out my sight
I'd cry when I lost it
But the next day,
I'd be searching again
That's how you use to treat it
So rare and special
Holding and protecting it
Never turning your head away
I had given it to you
Because if anyone deserved it,
You did
You kept it polished
And even repaired all the scrapes
You made it look even better than before
It was truly your crystal
Your treasure
But you became careless
You dropped it
And lost it
From that moment I knew,
There are very few who are deserving
I spent day and night
searching...
I had to retrace my footsteps
Because I was nothing without it
Looking high and low
Through tears and smiles
I found it



It's mine again
But it's nowhere near the same
You see,
A few of the pieces that broke off
Fell into your pocket..
And if you look closely at the crack
It's a reflection of you...

 I know that everyone has felt this way at some point. As I stated I wrote this is 2009. I am in such a different place now. Thank God for growth! If I were writing it today it would be different. My heart would be forever protected because no one could get to it without the approval of God. Maya Angelou said "A woman's heart should be so hidden in God that a man should have to seek Him in order to find it." WHOLENESS is about getting back those stolen pieces!  The good thing about a broken heart is that it gives God a doorway to enter. No matter what/who has broken your heart, God's love can repair it all! Allow Him to complete you!

"I am not my hair" Are you sure?

So I've been wanting to talk about this for a while! And today I experienced something that really set me off lol (BTW I've been completely natural for a little over a year now and this is just my opinion!)

I was in line at Target and overheard a group of females. Three of them had natural hair and one of them was relaxed. One of the natural girls told the one with relaxed hair that she NEEDS to go natural and then asked "What are you scared of? Are you ashamed of your natural hair?" *Pause*

That conversation bothered me so much! And I've heard those types of comments so often. Some are similiar and some are vice versa but that has to be one of my biggest pet peeves.


Two weeks ago, I was at my cousin's house. She's been natural for four years and has hair down her back. Us natural ladies would call it BSL or Bra Strap Length. Her hair is very beautiful but she CHOOSES to wear sew-ins. One of my other cousins was also there and she said "I don't know why she wears all that weave. Wear your hair out!"


*Pause again* Ugh! Leave her alone!


I never understand why some women feel the need to tell others what they NEED to do with their own hair. People choose to wear their hair in whatever way works for them. I've heard people say that women who get relaxers, keep their hair long, wear weave, etc are insecure. Really?? And I'm not targeting just women who are natural by any means. I've heard it from many different people. So what does "I am not my hair mean?"

To me, that phrase means that no matter how a person CHOOSES to wear THEIR hair, they are not "titled" by their hair. Some people prefer short hair, others natural, others long and relaxed, some with weave, others with purple pink or orange, what does it matter??? If a woman with natural hair chooses to flat iron her hair every week of the year except one, then that's her choice. I understand people talk about the importance of healthy hair. But if a woman wants to do a process on her hair that you wouldn't do on yours, the beautiful part is, you don't have to! lol If you truly believe that phrase then the label of insecure or ashamed wouldn't be thought of because of the way a woman wears her hair. Its her hair, therefore her choice!

I know a few fierce females who will wear their hair in a short cut one day, long wavy weave the next, braids the next, and a fade after that. And that's what works for them. Now I'm not at all against educating each other about how to take care of our hair whether natural or relaxed. But the great thing about being grown is that YOU can make the best decision for YOU.

People know how they like to look and I'm not against encouraging people to love themselves but loving ourselves goes much further than how we choose to wear our hair. I've never been against relaxers. I was relaxed for YEARS but chose to go natural for the health of MY hair. Some people are relaxed because that's what works for them like that young lady in Target. Some dye their hair because they WANT some color. Some wear sew ins like my cousin because it protects their hair and helps it grow. Let people do what they want to do!

I'm very much against conforming and I feel that many times people try to make others conform to what THEY find acceptable. Some people think relaxed and weave is insecure, some people think natural and kinky is unattractive. But what people don't realize is that by forcing their views on someone else (go natural, get a relaxer, cut it, grow it) about how they should wear their hair or whatever else, they're assisting society with bringing more division amongst black women. If we really are not our hair, why does it matter how it's worn?? Let people express themselves whichever way they want!

This is one of my biggest pet peeves. There's a big difference between encouragement and FORCING your views. Back off of people and let them do what's best for them! *end rant*

He's All the World To Me!

For some reason, I've been led to listen to old school Fred Hammond tunes. This song has been on REPEAT, and it's nearly brought me to tears each time...odd for a fast-paced song. Take a listen!

The "Oh, To Be Busy" Ramble

What's your life like right now? Are you living out your dreams, getting joy and satisfaction from living each day on purpose? Do you feel stuck in a rut with your routine 9-5? What do you have going for yourself? Do you prefer to be BUSY and on the go, or do you enjoy being a homebody chillaxin'?

For a long time, I've wanted to be busy. Sometimes, I feel that I have so much idle time on my hands. I want to be busy about a purpose, and I absolutely HATE routine. Routine and "same old" bug me. Sometimes I get tired of driving the same roads, working the same job for nearly 6 years, living in the same area, and even dealing with myself on a day to day basis. I just don't care for too much predictability in my life. It just stunts creativity.

Technically, I am busy (or should be anyway). I'm taking 5 classes, working on the days I'm not in school, staying involved with the small group I'm apart of, and working with the 4-6 year old kids at my church. I also just got asked to write a skit for an upcoming children's event also at my church. My life right now is pretty much "go with the flow." I guess I still want to "have a life," despite being enrolled full-time in school. I don't think I've gotten to the point of sacrificing fun activities for the sake of getting my schoolwork done. I also want my life to be dictated by a definite purpose; I don't want my life to just happen.

I often find myself gazing at pictures of the celebs, their hangouts, and the latest fashion trends on Essence.com. I'm not for the gossip, but I just like looking at their lives in pictures. Their lives seem so glamorous and busy; there seems to never be a dull or idle moment going on. They have fashion shows/weeks to attend, a billion places to shop at, red carpet events, movie premieres, concerts, interviews, photo shoots, book signings....the whole 9! It just appears to be such a good life! Of course several of these celebrities are richer than rich, yet empty on the inside. Still, I'd like to travel like they do....see the world and experience LIFE outside of my small town.

I asked God to give me more opportunities to be busy about a purpose, and I believe He has. However, I don't think it came in the form that I was expecting. I constantly ask Him to reveal my purpose to me, but I don't make an effort to obey the small assignments that He has already given me.

To whom much is given, much is required. You can't skip steps. You're gonna have to go through Steps 1, 2, and 3 before you can even think of arriving to Step 45. To get to any destination, you will have to prepare.

Hope I didn't ramble too much... :-)

He's my Husband!

So that title is so funny to me! But unfortunately so many people say that, many out of nothing but emotion!

I was having a chat with a few of my friends Sunday night, two guys and two girls. I enjoy those types of convos. I like hearing what my brothers think about certain things and I'm comfortable talking to them about things like that.

We talked about HEALTHY friendships of the opposite sex. I was saying how it's important to me that I have a least one or two close male friends. We all have the ability to discern things but it's nice to have an opinion from the other side because most of us know that most males and females think differently.

We talked about how some people are incapable of having friendships with the opposite sex. If they text you, they must like you. If they act happy to see you, they must like you. If they are friendly, they must like you. If you have inside jokes, they must like you. If they smile around you, they must like you lol But those are the things friends do. That doesn't mean they're your husband or wife lol It doesn't even mean that they like you! It's called FRIENDSHIP.

Now don't think I'm condemning anyone, I've been interested in a few people in my day. And my previous relationship was the one when I was like "Yes he's my husband." Not because God had said it but my emotions told me while we were together. I've had crushes on people or thought someone was attractive and thought to myself "I wonder if it's him!" But it didn't go further than a thought and often was rebuked before it came around again. And most times the holy spirit would check me before it went any further. Guard your heart!

But some people end up with emotional ties after breaking up from a relationship they were never in. All because a FRIEND of the opposite sex was being a FRIEND. I'm not trying to be mean but we're talking about being whole right? Part of being whole is knowing the purpose of the people in your life. A divine connection doesn't mean a divine relationship ending in holy matrimony. CHRISTIAN DOESN'T MEAN COMPATIBLE. I think alot of people would avoid broken hearts if females saw males as their brothers, and males saw females as their sisters. If a person doesn't say, "I'm interested in you" then assume that they aren't!

Friends should be able to talk as much as they want. Smile and laugh as much as they want. And not have to be overly cautious believing that their actions will be leading somebody on. A person with maturity knows that someone who has a purpose in their life is there to fulfill SOMETHING. But they know to keep their mind in check. Cut out the daydreaming and reading into actions. Sometimes we read so deeply into things and daydream so much we've mapped out how many kids and where we're going to live before anyone has even expressed interest.

Don't confuse your emotions for the holy spirit. We've all been in that position at least once but let's not only guard our own hearts but guard the hearts of our brothers and sisters. We're in this together. Ladies, let's give the fellas a break. WE are the PRIZE. The prize doesn't hunt down the winner, the winner has to go after the prize. If a male is friendly, checks up on you, smiles and makes you laugh, he's being a good friend. That doesn't make him your husband and vice versa.

Lastly I will say that WE individually have to use discernment as to who of the opposite sex we can be friends with. Some people aren't ready for it. And that's perfectly fine but make sure there are no hidden intentions. Friendships with the hope of an eventual relationship is usually a bad idea. Now if it ends up being God's plan, wonderful! If not, wonderful!

I thank God for my male friends as well as that revelation. That's vital info for healthy friendships. That way mine as well as their hearts are protected. No hidden intentions or expectations. Just pure and uninhibited friendship! Thankful for maturity and grateful for that convo!

The trip isn't cancelled, just delayed!

So I felt led to share the testimony of how I made it to Mt. Gilead, the best church in thee world! But before I get into it, I’ll say this:
This testimony truly shows God’s way of strategically mapping out our lives. Sometimes we feel like we’ve made the wrong decision or been disobedient by not making ANY. But God’s grace and mercy will always get us back on track. I love God!

So I graduated high school in 2006. Can’t believe it’s almost been SIX years! (smh) But when I was eighteen to about twenty years old, those were those YEARS for me. I guess I can even bump it up to the beginning of being twenty one too. But by “those years” I mean the time when I was doing ALL THE WRONG THINGS. Candice and I talked about this yesterday and we called “those years” the years of sin lol I’ve always been in church. I grew up with Christian morals, values etc but I felt like I hadn’t experienced what everybody else was doing. Of course now I see that God had been protecting me from the temptations of the world. Some people get attacked by the world meaning unfortunate circumstances push them into the world and they get wrapped up and consumed by it. Me on the other hand, I was a pretty sheltered person, no huge worries, etc. but when I turned eighteen, I thought I was grown and jumped on the bandwagon (didn’t take long before I jumped off but it was mostly my own decision.) I knew better!

Now I will say, I wasn’t out doing anything extra crazy or anything but things that were still out of my character. Things that weren’t pleasing to God or the way I’d been raised but I thank God everyday for His grace and mercy that only allowed me to take a couple steps on a path that “quick sands” so many people. It didn’t take Him long to reel me back in. I can imagine God now, “Really Chelsea? I’ve protected you all this time from all these temptations for 18 years and this is how you act? Get yo behind in the house!” lol I can laugh now but God truly showed me favor and protection.

So I met a guy when I was eighteen years old that was a member of Mt. Gilead. I had never heard of that church. I didn’t really know anything at all about the Midlothian/Chesterfield area and rarely ever went that way for anything. I remember looking up the website and going through all the pages. And seeing the picture at the very top of the website, I remember thinking, “Ok that church is WAY too big. I’ll pass.” I didn’t really think much of it after that. I was so use to my home church where I knew everybody. My family was all there. It was “comfortable.” Even after my mom became a minister at a different church, I still stayed where I was. Most times going back and forth to support both ministries.

So during my first year of college, I got my very first job at the MCV Medical Center Bookstore in downtown Richmond. I worked there a few times a week for a few hours. Working was definitely new to me. I laugh when I think about the fact I had never worked until I was almost 19 smh Anyway, one day two women came into the store. They had two Krispy Kreme donut boxes. One of my managers went and put them in the break room. On my break she told me to feel free to get a donut. (Can’t say no to Krispy Kreme!) So I went in and opened up the box. On the top of the box was a sticker that said “Mt. Gilead Full Gospel International Ministries.” I was like “Oh you go there? I know so and so. He goes there too.” Come to find out two of my managers at that store went there. In my mind, “Well that’s nice. Moving along.” Smh

I was actually working there for about a year and a half. Not once visiting the church or anything. They would talk about the services and events there but as I said, I was in my “those years” season. I barely was going to my own church as much as I should, let alone visiting a new one.
So after that year and a half was up, I got another job at a clothing store all the way in Mechanicsville Va. I had a very close relationship with my co workers and my store manager. They were the best! One day my store manager was talking to me and a coworker. She told us we should visit her church. So I asked what church do you go to?? Her reply, Drum Roll….

MT. GILEAD!!!!

Um, so in my mind I thought two things, either this church is so huge that everybody from Midlothian to downtown Richmond to Mechanicsville went there OR there was something there for me.

So I finally agreed to visit. My co worker, her cousin, and I all went to a Wednesday night service together. And I already knew, that’s where I was supposed to be. It took me a few months to join but thankfully I had already rededicated my life to God. And I realized that my “curious season” was blocked, interrupted, and ended by God’s intervention.

I honestly don’t even know that person from 18 to 20. It was such a random season of bad decisions and mistakes. I wouldn’t take them back though. They’ll always remind me of what happens when you turn your back on God. Never again. God and I created a bond like I had never experienced once I realized what He’d save me from. “Where would I be if not for your grace? Carrying me through every season. Where would I be if not for your grace. You came to my rescue and I want to thank you for your GRACE.” That’s one of my favs. Big ups to Ty Francis for introducing me to that song! (Speaking of Ty, I met Ty the beginning of 2009, I joined Mt. Gilead offically in August of 2009. God used Ty as the final push to get me back in line! The end of the lukewarm season. Talk about ordering of steps and the crossings of paths!)

So I hope this testimony encourages anyone that feels like they made a wrong turn. God sent five people to get me to where I was supposed to go! And I think about the last two years since I joined Mt. Gilead and how much I’ve changed and how God reeled me back in so quickly. He’s truly faithful! God thought enough of me to give me consistent clear direction even when I wasn't listening. God will do the same for you! We all make mistakes but even through my own disobedience God still found a way to get me there. I don’t even like to think about how different my life would be right now. What you are around is what you will become. Guess God knew where to send me for training. Praise God! Just know your steps are ordered. Wrong turns don’t cancel the trip, they just delay it. God will always provide a detour. THANK YOU GOD!

"People and things clutter my mind, should I even try?"

Just wanted to share these two videos with y'all. These songs are really speaking to me right now. Enjoy.

SideNote: I'm gonna bring overalls back! Who's with me? lol

He's A Jealous GOD!!!

Wow! Tonight's Bible study at my church was so awesome! The Word was a "right now" word, and super convicting for everyone. The message was entitled "He's a Jealous God," and I'd like to encourage everyone to listen to it. Life changing! If you live in the Richmond, VA area, you can purchase the CD and/or DVD at

Mt. Gilead Full Gospel International Ministries

2501 Mt. Gilead Blvd.

Richmond, VA 23235

If you don't live in the area, it may be on sale soon online at thebalmingilead.org  OR you can shoot an email to projectwifey@gmail.com and I will personally send you a copy! Yes, it's that serious! lol

The main scripture came from Deuteronomy 6:5---> Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. (NIV)

BIG emphasis on the 3 "alls" in that scripture. Not halfway, not a little bit, not a leftover piece but ALL! If you give God all of yourself, you can't possibly love another (whether it be significant other, family, or friend) "with all your heart." Yes, we were created to need others. Some were created for marriage and to produce a family. However, you just can't love any of that more than you love HIM.

Man, I'm still "high" right now as I type...lol. I can't explain it all. You just have to get that Word and let it change your life!

We do God so wrong...like all the time!! All the things we put above Him...smh! Facebook, Twitter, Google+, YouTube, NFL, NBA, our fav TVshows, friends, family, events, school, boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives, children, our jobs, food, shopping, traveling, hobbies, electronic gadgets, and the list could go on  f o r e v e r !

God/Jesus should be the first one you think of when you wake up in the morning, and He should be the last thought before you nod off to sleep. I'm gonna be honest...I'm definitely not at that level yet, but I'm determined to be. Maybe you're like me. I sleep with my phone by my side, so what do you think I do when I awaken each morning to the alarm on my phone? I might check my email, check my Facebook, check Twitter, play WordFeud or Tile Takedown (I'm addicted to word games lol), check any missed texts while I was asleep....and all before I say "Good morning Lord! Thank YOU for waking me up to see this day!"

Wellll, I was definitely convicted tonight. But I plan to definitely do better! I've taken "fasts" from Facebook and Twitter before, but I think I'm bout to back up from both for a little bit. It doesn't take a rocket scientist or a scholar in the Word to realize that they are serious time wasters! I don't know how or why scrolling up a news feed or looking at your profile layout can be SOOOOOO ENTERTAINING?! But somehow, it is. And before you know it, three hours have gone by. Maybe not all at once. But gradually throughout the day, you have been logged into some social networking site updating the world on your extraordinary life.

Whew...tonight I was on the edge of my seat, hanging onto every word my Bishop was preaching. And on the drive home, I just repented for putting all this stuff ahead of my creator. I know serious change has to take place PRONTO. I know I just need to fall back in love with Jesus. I need to pursue him daily, so my walk won't grow stale. I need to know Him to the fullest extent that I can possibly do so, and not merely talk about knowing Him. I need to invest in more praise and worship music and read my Bible DAILY and earnestly. Yep, I fall short in that area sometimes.

I came across one of my favorite worship CDs before I drove to church. It's almost 10 years old, but this is one of the most amazing worship CDs I've heard. The music is so peaceful, and it will take you into the Throne Room. Check it out....

Well I think that's enough for now beautiful people. We gotta do better. It's time to refocus, create change, and produce what God's given us to give back to Him...

Why am I so misunderstood?? (kinda long)

Today is one of those days. Not a bad day but just "one of those days." Sitting back and reflecting on my life and what I feel I'm called to do. And to be honest, some days I just don't want to do it.

Luke 12:48 "To whom much is given, much is required."

I understand that verse and I know everything molds you into who God needs you to be but sometimes I JUST DON'T WANT TO DO IT. I won't even lie. I think about dreams I've always had and things I've always known about the assignments God has for me to do and I've lost count of the times I've prayed, sought God and cried my eyes out. Even to the point that I said "God get somebody else!" And of course I know that's selfish but when you're at that crossroad and God has revealed only a portion of what's required of you, it can be quite overwhelming.

And deep inside I just wanted to blend in, do enough to do enough. Hide behind the scenes and assist the one out front when God is telling me to go ahead and step up. "What are you waiting on Chelsea. I've given you what you need. Just let me flow through you. I need you to be a vessel."

I continue to think about my Bishop and what he said in a sermon. "Just because you're called doesn't mean you'll get there, it means you have the potential to." *sigh*

I remember being younger. I was always the rational one. I not only knew right from wrong but very seldom did I ever cross the line. Of course I got slack for it. I was a goody goody church girl blah blah blah. And I always felt different from everybody else. I couldn't quite seem to find my place. I conformed as much as I could to try and "fit." But regardless I always felt peculiar and very misunderstood. And I still feel that way today.

I've never been the type to hang out with everybody or be the life of the party. And honestly I got to the point where I just gave up trying to fit in. I've come to understand that comes with the assignment. BEING MISUNDERSTOOD.

I'm very goofy around people I know well but around others I'm pretty quiet and slow to speak. If I don't have anything important to say I usually just observe. I'm never the loudest one or the hypest one or the one trying to get attention. I'm usually quiet, calm and collected. That's just how I am. And I've realized that's usually MISUNDERSTOOD.

I don't have alot of "friends." My circle seems to have gone down in size quite a bit in the past couple of years. Some were out of my control, some weren't but that's often MISUNDERSTOOD.

I'm a pretty private person. I've never been the one to say a whole lot about myself as it pertains to family and personal things unless I know you well. Even then, sometimes I still would rather not say anything. That's a trait that tends to be MISUNDERSTOOD.

God told Jeremiah that he was set apart. So I guess the point of this blog is to encourage anyone who feels peculiar, someone who doesn't quite fit in and someone whose often MISUNDERSTOOD. That comes with the assignment.

It's never been easy being me. Don't get me wrong, I've always been blessed. I have wonderful family and never went without but on the inside something was different. Something on the inside always told me I was CALLED to do something. And the closer I got to the revelation of what it was, the more I wanted to back away.

I was reminded of the night when I was missing my mother.. Knowing that April 2 2010 was the beginning of THEE season, meaning the season I knew was coming but was dreading more than anything. I understood the time had finally arrived for God to lead me into what was already started for me. It was my time to understand who I REALLY was. I laid there thinking about her and God and saying, "Get somebody else. I don't want to do it. Why did I have to sacrifice so much? It's not fair." As soon as I said those words conviction came over me like nothing I had felt before.

Jesus came into my mind. And I started to picture Him in the wilderness looking up to God asking Him if there was any other way. Could God provide a different path so that we all could still be saved from sin? But then He said "Not my will but your will be done." And I realized that the sacrifice that Jesus made was truly an unfair sacrifice. Who am I to compare anything I go through to the ultimate sacrifice. Had it not been for Jesus...(enough said) So then I started questioning, "Who is relying on me?"

So yeah. "To whom much is given much is required."

So I had to accept that most days I'll be misunderstood. I had to accept that I was never meant to fit in and "belong" so to speak. I had to accept that I won't have many friends. I had to accept that people would try and put me in a box. I had to accept that some days God is the only one that will really understand. I had to accept that there were somethings I had to sacrifice. I had to accept there were some people I had to walk away from. I had to accept that people would question things I do or say. I had to accept that the only way to become the woman of God He's called me to be is if I finally ACCEPT it.

Seasons will come and go. People will come and go but it all will work for my good. And although some days I want to back down, I can't.

Be encouraged all my beautiful weirdos, (Seriously. We'll be weird together :-)) When you accept that you've been set apart, you begin to understand why you're so MISUNDERSTOOD.

(Inspired by a FB post. I've been wanting to write on this for a while)

Healthy Living!

So we haven't blogged about any meal preparations lately. I did a blog a while back about how I was getting on the "healthy food train," but unfortunately my cravings for sweets and salt seemed to be too much for my little taste buds to go without lol But I'm happy to say I've gotten back on track. And I owe that to a water fast I completed. Although I was fasting to get closer to God, drinking only water for a few days will make you appreciate ANY food, even the healthy foods :-)

This was a very easy meal. No recipes. Just whipped it up!

So this is the boneless chicken breast. It looks small in this pic but it was about the size of my entire hand! lol Anyway, I let it soak in cold water to thaw.

So once that was out of the way, I got my seasonings together. Once the chicken was thawed, I poked a few holes in it and I used less than a teaspoon of salt. (Nobody wants high blood pressure. Plus if you're trying to lose weight, sodium will hold on to every ounce of water in your body) I didnt really measure the other seasonings that are shown below. I just seasoned a good amount on both sides in a plastic bag. And shook it up.

I put Reynolds wrap in an oven friendly pan and added olive oil. I cut up about a whole onion and placed that along with the chicken in the pan. I put the oven on about 400 I believe. (Little more or little less) But the chicken cooked for about 40 minutes.

During the last 10-15 minutes before the chicken was done, I sauteed some onions and peppers on the stove. You can do this either with fresh veggies or the frozen ones. They're so good. I added a little oil to the pan before I cooked them and a little seasoning as well. The longer they cook the softer they'll get. I've always heard that if you cook veggies too long, you may cook the nutrients out of them. Leave a little crunch in them. They're better that way! :-)

This is the end result! :-)


Very simple meal! I was going to make rice with it but I'm glad I didn't. It was very filling but I wasn't stuffed. And as you can see, it was very healthy. And honestly I can say that the chicken was more tender than any boneless chicken breast I've had! (No joke! It was good)

And one of the biggest things I'm proud of is I couldn't go to sleep until I washed the dishes lol I washed them earlier today and then washed them again after I cooked. It was only a matter of time before I turned into my gma and mom haha They NEVER could sleep with a dirty kitchen. I understand now. Keeps you from having to do them the next day! :-)

Will YOU wait?

...and He Weeps

You Just Gotta Laugh At Yourself Sometimes!

Embarrassment. We all go through it. Some of us, more than others. I find that the easiest way to get past it is to just LAUGH through it. Even if you have to do one of those forced nervous laughs. Laughter is life's best medicine. Sooo laugh your way to outstanding health! Ha!

Anywho, let me just be upfront. 

I can be EXTREMELY clumsy, weird, and VERY awkward at times. But I think it's hilarious. I crack myself up like allll the time, and I'm sure that I am Chelsea's weekly entertainment. Oh so many stories of my clumsy awkward ways...I'll have to share some with you one day. I can't wait until we get an official camera and start making videos!! Fun Fun! 

Yea so, do you ever fall UP the stairs? No? Well, I do. I fall more times going UP the stairs than down. And usually, I do it when no one's around. Still EMbarrassing! It's like the walls and empty space are pointing and laughing at me lol

How bout today I fell down 4-5 steps, and I had HEELS ON! And it was NOT pretty; I'm injured! So much for tryin to be cute! lol

BEFORE the crash...

The staircase I tumbled down

 The aching bruise on my upper leg smh

That picture doesn't even do it justice. It looks and feel like a tennis ball is comin out my side lol....I don't ever remember being bruised like this. And it was soo funny and embarrassing because my dad was at home. I think he was sleeping and he like rushed out of nowhere, because it was so loud!! Remember I had heels on too! Ouch...still hurts, but all I can do is laugh.

Laugh hard and often. Don't beat yourself up over mistakes and embarrassments. YOU are very funny, if you just pay attention. Find joy, peace, happiness, and laughter in your life. Why live without these?

Prince Charming--Only In Fairy Tales?

I meet with a small group of single ladies roughly once a week. We met yesterday, and the topic was Prince Charming. Oooh la la! :-) I really enjoyed the discussion, and I just wanted to share a few of my thoughts on the subject.

I love fairy tales, happy endings, old school Disney, princesses, chivalry, romance, and all that gushy stuff.  I believe in love. However, it took A LOT of growing up in the real world to come to know that no one is PERFECT. I mean, I knew that...I just still continued to have high expectations for people.

People, including Prince Charming, will disappoint you. They can't help it; they're human. You're human. I'm human. We're gonna make mistakes all the time. Just accept that fact--it'll save you a lot of disappointment.

I believe that Prince Charming can find you and you can live the best life happily ever after [with the help of Jesus. :-) ] For all of you impatient ladies out there (including myself, at times), I think he's gonna come when you LEAST EXPECT IT. So stop looking for him!!

An interesting point was brought up last night...what if he/she never comes? What if you're destined to be single? Could you live with that realization, or would you become angry with God and life? It got me to thinking...I need to get in a mindset of living this life wholeheartedly and with more gusto (regardless of whether I'll ever tie the knot). What do I want to accomplish in my life? What goals and dreams would I like to see manifest in the near future? What path does God have for just the two of us (me & Him)? Time to fall totally in love with God again, because He's the only one that's guaranteed.

Just living life with Him as the main priority...

SN: Another point to ponder....why would God put this marriage desire in many of us, if we were only destined for singleness?? Hmmm....

What's your type?

So I've always been the kind of person who thought I knew my type. Ever since I can remember my type of guy was over six feet tall, not skinny (I've always liked healthy teddy bears lol), very bold and brave, nice smile, manly hands, deep voice, educated, handy man, etc etc etc. Now I do believe every person has preferences as far as looks go. And I'm not bashing that. But as I began to grow and mature more, I started to reevaluate my so-called "type."

I have a true passion in my heart to prevent women and men from settling. It's something I've talked about often because I truly want everyone. especially women, to understand their worth and the way God sees them.

As I began to think about mistakes I've made in and out of relationships, I started to understand what a "type" really is. I haven't been in alot of relationships. I can count them on one or two fingers actually lol But I've learned a great deal about what it means to really have standards. Being attracted to your significant other is pretty important in my book but it shouldn't cancel out their spiritual walk or relationship with God.

I've committed to living a pure lifestyle and yes that includes no sex until marriage. Don't get me wrong, I'm no saint but because I now know and have received the revelation of the truth I refuse to compromise. My "type" of guy must have also made that commitment. (And for those females who think the way I use to think, "No man is going to really wait" I guarantee you it is possible.) He will have already made that commitment LONG before me. And it will be his commitment to God. He won't abstain from sex just because I'VE made the commitment but he's done so because he wants to live a pure life pleasing to God, not just pleasing to me and my terms. If he's not pure while single, it'll be a bigger fight in a relationship.

So now that the purity thing is out the way. There are four things that are important to me as far a "types' go.

1. A man of God is known by the things that he flees from.
So that includes things like greed, idolatry, sexual sin, etc. Purity in body, mind, and spirit.
2. A man of God is known by what and who he follows.
Whatever he follows, he will become. Does he follow righteousness, godliness and wisdom?
Does he follow the path of faith and love? What about patience, kindness, and gentleness?
3. A man of God is known by the things that he fights for.
Is he ashamed to stand up for what he believes in? Or does he walk in boldness and serves
as a spokesman for God. “Fight” is going to include concentration, discipline, conviction and
effort. (1 Corinthians 10:4-5)
4. A man of God is known by what and who he is faithful to.
This would include guarding his heart as well as guarding the Truth. And of course being
faithful to God and Jesus Christ by following the commandments of God by obedience and
the Word.

If you're reading this and think "this is too much to expect" than what do you think of yourself? I believe this is exactly the type of man that a woman of God deserves. But it is important to be equally yoked. Don't be expecting this man and your stuff isn't together yet. I plan on being able to offer the same in return. I'm not expecting anyone to be perfect however but just as Candice's last blog talked about trying to change someone, it's not worth it. He has to desire to want these characteristics for himself just like all of us do. I pray for him everyday and that he's changing HIMSELF with God's assistance. So that when it is the right time for us to be together once and for all (after much effort and work with getting myself together. Whew!) I won't have to work twice as hard to try and fix him up too. (No bueno)

We are all a work in progress. But you'll never strive to be better until you understand what God expects you to become. So a six foot healthy teddy bear is wonderful :-) But my "type" is a true man of God! The type of man that can war in the Spirit, pray over our children and take charge. The kind of man who can lead his family to growth and prosperity and help raise sons who become men of God and daughters who desire men of God. It's not too much to ask. That's what God's daughters deserve! Get those standards up!

So that's my type lol what's yours?

Pardon My Dumb-ness

Yea, so...we're all gonna make dumb, stupid, decisions in this life. If you've been reading my most recent postings, I've been going through a weird season of dealing with a soul tie. Looking back, I sound and feel sooo dumb. lol I LOVE what Chelsea posted on Facebook today. So relevant!

Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you'll understand what little chance you have in trying to change others. Only God can change a person! #stepback


Bam bam sha-BAM! I know I needed to hear THAT! I'm sure I'm not the only one.  Too often we try to change others into who we want them to be.  But, why even bother trying?  You can talk until you're blue in the face trying to will them to change, but it's NEVER gonna happen until they WANT it bad enough for themselves.

The only person you have full control over is yourself.  Focus on changing YOU!

But anywho....

This "soul tie situation" is a crucial part of my journey to wholeness.  I can't be whole if I'm holding onto a past relationship (that I'm not even in).  It's like I've moved on; I really have.  However, the key is to stay moved on...be GONE! lol And don't look back! Sounds easy, but I know it will be a challenge to move 100% forward. However, I can do all things through Jesus! So, bring it on! :-)

Man, I'd love to tell y'all about all I went through today to finally get to my conclusion but...I guess it's a little too personal. Just know--it was AWKWARD, DRAMA-FILLED, yet EYE-OPENING to how dumb I've been. My three years of dumb-ness is officially 'bout to come to a close. I see the light! Yippee!

A few motivational words to live by, if ever you go through relationship dumb-ness:

• You can't have your cake and eat it too
• "If someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE them."-Maya Angelou 
• If they will cheat WITH you, they will cheat ON you
• Like Usher reminded us back in the day, sometimes ya gotta let it "burn"
• Know the difference between loving someone and BEING IN LOVE with someone
• Don't settle, no matter how hard it hurts
• God is love. If they don't know and/or love Him, how will they love you?
• "Be the person you wanna find; don't be a nickel out here looking for a dime."-Lyfe Jennings
• A MAN that finds a wife finds a good thing

I LOVE listening to this song, especially at times like this! Link doesn't work...just watch/listen on YouTube. =)

Sweet Nothings

==> I wish I could fast forward the future to see if you'd be there. And if you weren't, maybe I could forget the memories...

Yea, it's almost 2 in the morning. Feeling some type of way about love gained and love lost. They say it's better to have loved once than to not have loved at all. But at what cost? Love never fails. I loved hard, and it got thrown back in my face. Yerp, same guy/same situation (if you've read previous postings). I just realized it's been almost 3 years since we broke up...someone tell me WHY I'm still dealing with this?! Why won't my heart let go?

Soul tie's got a hold on me? Errr...hope not. And it's not even all the time I'm feelin this way. Just on those random moments when we talk. But, nah you don't understandddd....I had this amazing convo about life with him last week and it felt like we were just two teens again. Two teens in love planning a future that we didn't know would never happen. It would only be alive in our hearts and minds.

And the way he looked at me last week. He intensely stared at me, smiled at me, played with my natural hair, laughed like I was the funniest girl in the world. We could talk about anything. I just tried to regain that again for just one moment. Just for one moment I wanted to believe that he was the one--my one. It felt like 2007 for a second, and I gotta admit that's been the best year of my life to this day.

After awhile, I had to snap back into reality. Realize that he just told me that he was in an on-and-off relationship with the same chick that tore us apart. It was in the off stages I guess now, but who knows? He proceeded to tell me bout her and how she wasn't me. Of course, he made me seem like the better catch. But were those just words or a cry for help that he regretted any and everything wrong that he ever did to me? Either way, I felt flattered and left that day feeling giddy. I kept thinking that one day he was gonna see the God in me more clearly and want that relationship for himself.

I invited him to my church's play yesterday. He's not a big church goer, so I thought he would be more drawn to coming to some form of ministry appearing as entertainment. I was expecting to see him walk up to the altar for salvation or prayer afterward, but no sign. No him. I was bummed. I felt down mentally and spiritually. 

Then it's like we had been texting/talking daily for a bit, and all of a sudden he was MIA. Did I play the fool again? I don't wanna be in this cycle anymore. I'm drained of getting my hopes up. I don't understand how I can "love" a guy so much, when he can be so UNlovable at times. I see so much potential in him though. I'm reminded of how Jesus loves us, when we do Him wrong so much. I've asked for God to remove all people, places, and things that aren't meant to be in my life. He's removed a lot of it, but this dude remains. I wonder why. It's frustrating....good night.

If you want me, you'll chase me. I don't have to prove anything anymore. <==