Why am I so misunderstood?? (kinda long)

Today is one of those days. Not a bad day but just "one of those days." Sitting back and reflecting on my life and what I feel I'm called to do. And to be honest, some days I just don't want to do it.

Luke 12:48 "To whom much is given, much is required."

I understand that verse and I know everything molds you into who God needs you to be but sometimes I JUST DON'T WANT TO DO IT. I won't even lie. I think about dreams I've always had and things I've always known about the assignments God has for me to do and I've lost count of the times I've prayed, sought God and cried my eyes out. Even to the point that I said "God get somebody else!" And of course I know that's selfish but when you're at that crossroad and God has revealed only a portion of what's required of you, it can be quite overwhelming.

And deep inside I just wanted to blend in, do enough to do enough. Hide behind the scenes and assist the one out front when God is telling me to go ahead and step up. "What are you waiting on Chelsea. I've given you what you need. Just let me flow through you. I need you to be a vessel."

I continue to think about my Bishop and what he said in a sermon. "Just because you're called doesn't mean you'll get there, it means you have the potential to." *sigh*

I remember being younger. I was always the rational one. I not only knew right from wrong but very seldom did I ever cross the line. Of course I got slack for it. I was a goody goody church girl blah blah blah. And I always felt different from everybody else. I couldn't quite seem to find my place. I conformed as much as I could to try and "fit." But regardless I always felt peculiar and very misunderstood. And I still feel that way today.

I've never been the type to hang out with everybody or be the life of the party. And honestly I got to the point where I just gave up trying to fit in. I've come to understand that comes with the assignment. BEING MISUNDERSTOOD.

I'm very goofy around people I know well but around others I'm pretty quiet and slow to speak. If I don't have anything important to say I usually just observe. I'm never the loudest one or the hypest one or the one trying to get attention. I'm usually quiet, calm and collected. That's just how I am. And I've realized that's usually MISUNDERSTOOD.

I don't have alot of "friends." My circle seems to have gone down in size quite a bit in the past couple of years. Some were out of my control, some weren't but that's often MISUNDERSTOOD.

I'm a pretty private person. I've never been the one to say a whole lot about myself as it pertains to family and personal things unless I know you well. Even then, sometimes I still would rather not say anything. That's a trait that tends to be MISUNDERSTOOD.

God told Jeremiah that he was set apart. So I guess the point of this blog is to encourage anyone who feels peculiar, someone who doesn't quite fit in and someone whose often MISUNDERSTOOD. That comes with the assignment.

It's never been easy being me. Don't get me wrong, I've always been blessed. I have wonderful family and never went without but on the inside something was different. Something on the inside always told me I was CALLED to do something. And the closer I got to the revelation of what it was, the more I wanted to back away.

I was reminded of the night when I was missing my mother.. Knowing that April 2 2010 was the beginning of THEE season, meaning the season I knew was coming but was dreading more than anything. I understood the time had finally arrived for God to lead me into what was already started for me. It was my time to understand who I REALLY was. I laid there thinking about her and God and saying, "Get somebody else. I don't want to do it. Why did I have to sacrifice so much? It's not fair." As soon as I said those words conviction came over me like nothing I had felt before.

Jesus came into my mind. And I started to picture Him in the wilderness looking up to God asking Him if there was any other way. Could God provide a different path so that we all could still be saved from sin? But then He said "Not my will but your will be done." And I realized that the sacrifice that Jesus made was truly an unfair sacrifice. Who am I to compare anything I go through to the ultimate sacrifice. Had it not been for Jesus...(enough said) So then I started questioning, "Who is relying on me?"

So yeah. "To whom much is given much is required."

So I had to accept that most days I'll be misunderstood. I had to accept that I was never meant to fit in and "belong" so to speak. I had to accept that I won't have many friends. I had to accept that people would try and put me in a box. I had to accept that some days God is the only one that will really understand. I had to accept that there were somethings I had to sacrifice. I had to accept there were some people I had to walk away from. I had to accept that people would question things I do or say. I had to accept that the only way to become the woman of God He's called me to be is if I finally ACCEPT it.

Seasons will come and go. People will come and go but it all will work for my good. And although some days I want to back down, I can't.

Be encouraged all my beautiful weirdos, (Seriously. We'll be weird together :-)) When you accept that you've been set apart, you begin to understand why you're so MISUNDERSTOOD.

(Inspired by a FB post. I've been wanting to write on this for a while)