Don't be the insecure woman

So I was thinking about my last couple red flag posts and I realized I need to say some things to the women. I'll get back to the men but I want to try and balance it out a little. :-)

One thing I know for sure is that if a person is insecure in a relationship, it WILL NOT work. Especially if it's a Christian relationship. I say that because "the anointing" is attractive. When people flow in their gifts and are being used by God, someone who you typically may not be attracted to can look mighty mighty fine when they are anointed.

I hope all Christian women desire men of God. Missionary dating is no good! For real! But with a Christian man comes a whole bunch of thirsty women. It's an unfortunate truth but the ratio between men and women in the church is extremely off. There are way more women than men and since that's the case, alot of women run at the new single guy in hopes to "find" their husband.

With standards, I'm thinking a woman will desire someone who they are attracted to and someone who loves God above all else. That's enough to catch the attention of most women. So if your man (current or future) possesses these qualities, be prepared for some woman somewhere to be looking, whether they know about you or not. And let's be real, women LOVE leadership. If a man exudes leadership qualities, then you already know! lol

 Women will migrate to a man of leadership. You don't want to be one of those women who nag. "Who was that?? What did she want?? Why was she talking to you??" If he had qualities that attracted you to him, more than likely someone else sees those qualities as well. If no one else wants him, then maybe he isn't that great lmbo Just saying.

I remember when I was a teenager and my boyfriend at that time became a youth pastor. Things changed. He already had women migrating to him but I remember when he did his first sermon. It was a whole different ball game! You would've thought he was a lady magnet. Everybody waiting to talk to him was a woman and usually was pretty young. I had to make up in my mind if I was going to become some jealous insecure person or just trust the God on the inside of him. I made up in my mind at that moment, I would NEVER be that woman who drives herself crazy thinking every woman wants her man. So I let it be. It's important to realize that if a man has respect for you and for God, he will know how to handle a thirsty woman. If he's just as inappropriate as her, then you need to let him go. Who wants to be with a person you can't trust? Please don't settle for that!

So I asked one of my guy friends what he considers as a woman whose insecure in a relationship. (He said that some women are only insecure in a relationship. I thought that was interesting. I'll probably do a post on that soon.) But we had a really good conversation on this. And it inspired this post. Everyone has some areas of insecurities somewhere but these are a little excessive. I guess #redflags for men to watch out for lol

• She knows everything he's done on facebook, twitter, and other social networking sites even if it were months ago. (In other words, FACEBOOK STALKER lol)
• She thinks every woman that talks to him, likes his Facebook photo/status, adds him as a friend, retweets his tweets, or looks in his direction is plotting how to steal him away. (She can only take him if HE lets her fyi)
• If he doesn't reply to her text in under 10 mins she thinks she's being ignored and gets upset. (This one was me a few yrs back hahaha but patience is a virtue and one of the greatest lessons I've learned. Let him be productive. He'll get around to replying. So CHILL!)
• If he doesn't contact her all day, she feels neglected and suspicious. (I look forward to the relationship where we both have our own lives and are productive to the point that we have to catch up because "yesterday" was just too busy to talk lol)
• If he wants a weekend to himself to hang with friends, by himself, family or whatever else and she's offended. (You're not the only person in his life. And you're not even married.)
• She revolves her entire day around him. In other words, she wants to see him and talk to him all day if possible even if that means putting off other things that are important. For example, using her quiet time to talk with him instead. No bueno. (Nothing is cute about a clingy woman unless he's an insecure man. For real. My mom always said, insecure men LOVE clingy women. Makes sense.)
• She's jealous of all his female friends. If she had it her way, the only women in his life would be her and his momma. (Friends probably know him better than you. If they're truly important to him and they understand how much he cares for you, you need to get to know them. They know things about him, his likes, dislikes, personality, etc that can probably be beneficial for you to know.)
• She nags and is supicious of every female he talks to. If out in public at a social event, she observes his every move and can't enjoy herself because she's too distracted by his whereabouts. (Just because you're together doesn't mean you have to be joined at the hip wherever you go. Meet some folks and relax.)

I'm done for now. But all this is in the context of a Christian relationship with a man who fears God and is filled with the holy spirit. Otherwise, there's no guarantee that he's trustworthy at all. If you don't trust the God on the inside of him to begin with then he shouldn't even be in the running. The only man I can trust is one who understands he has to answer to God for every action he makes even when no one else is looking. Otherwise, there's a chance that his heart won't feel any conviction with ungodly actions and even ungodly thoughts Something to consider peeps. Ask God to show you  insecurities that could possibly hinder a relationship and/or your destiny and He will. 'Til next time! :-)

Taking Care of Self

How do you think you'll look when you're 80 years old? What about 90? Haven't thought that far ahead? Don't think you'll live to see those seriously glorious "wisdom years"?

Most of us like to think we're young and ageless in our own right. If you're a high school graduate, it seems like you just graduated last year...no matter how old you are. Time just flies, and let's just face it...we're aging. As eye-rolling as that term sounds, we have the choice to age gracefully. NOW is the time to start taking care of self. From what we eat, to exercising a few times per week, to proper hygiene, to surrounding yourself around love, laughter, and positivity....our active outlook on these areas (while we're young) determines how well we age.

* Note: Age is just a number. You can be 40+ years old and have the same (or more) exuberance and zeal for life than someone half your age. You decide.

Last night, I decided that I was gonna start doing three vital things every night for the rest of my life. Brushing my teeth, flossing, and washing my face. Don't give me that look...lol. I'm just too lazy to do it, man. Don't get me wrong...I DO BRUSH MY TEETH! AND WASH MY FACE! EVERY DAY! Floss? Not so much. Who has time for that? lol (me..now). I brush my teeth every morning, and anytime I'm at home and I smell an oncoming stench. It's only once in a bluish neon pink-striped moon that I do those things at night.

My mom used to tell me to always wash my make-up off at night because of the impurities, dirt, and stuff that collect during the night while asleep. I just figured, I'm gonna wash my face in the morning anyway. Why bother? But I've read articles over the years how we are aging our skin/bodies by the little things we do and/or don't do.

I used to want to be an orthodontist. I really don't know what intrigued me to that career field, since teeth aren't even that fascinating to me. I was never a flosser. Only if I needed to remove a random popcorn kernel or some other annoying piece of food. Recently, the gums around one particular tooth kept bleeding every time I brushed my teeth. Bleeding isn't always a bad thing, but then it just started looking dark around that tooth. I began to taste blood in my mouth at times. That prompted me to schedule a dentist appointment. I was prepared to hear the news that maybe I had a cavity, and I definitely believed it since I was buying pretzel M&M's like crazy! I'd never had one before, so I didn't know how that whole ordeal went.

I didn't have any cavities after all, but bacteria and food were actually the causes of my issue. My dentist informed me that flossing is indeed practiced so that bacteria and food don't have a chance to build up. He showed me how to floss properly for the umpteenth time, and my gums bled like crazy. My mouth was so sensitive for the rest of the day. I was told to floss daily, and right before bed is a trusty preference. That appointment was about a month or so ago. I decided to be obedient last night. =)

Loving God will also definitely keep you young. His joy will continually give you strength each day to keep pushing forward. His goodness will keep you smiling. His consistency when all else goes haywire will delight you. By spending time with Him on a regular basis and reading His love letter to you (Bible), you will receive fresh priceless jewels of wisdom.

Bottom line...take care of yourself now so you don't look older than dirt later. i..e..) ----------------------------------------------------> lol

31 Status

Check out what I found online. Powerful. Like Project Wifey, this organization is also shedding light on how to truly become that Proverbs 31 woman. I love it! Ladies....time to change your status, 31 TO BE EXACT.

PLAN PLAN PLAN!

Hello beautiful folks! Recently we've been educated tremendously in the area of debt freedom and home ownership at our church. I've received so much vital information that so many people need to know. Getting the inside scoop on how mortgage companies operate and what specific factors are eligible to negotiate when closing on a house has been amazing! Recently we had an event at our church hosted by the young adult ministry which pretty much lifted the veil on the things that mortgage companies don't want you to know. It was great!

With all that being said, I became a home owner of a four bedroom home at the age of 21 years old. And I must say that the maintenance of a home holds a lot of responsibility. I would definitely suggest getting to a certain level of maturity before taking on that level of responsibility. Being put in that position at 21 caused me to grow up REALLY quickly. I was talking to Candice about this yesterday and she said I should share the things I've learned about home ownership.

First of all, a breakdown of the expenses. Before buying a house, it's important to estimate how much your monthly expenses will be. A lot of people get caught up in "How much will the mortgage be?" However, the mortgage is only a portion of your expenses. Everything is dependent on the size of a home, interest rates, year it was built, etc etc etc. AFTER tithing of course, you must also pay property taxes. I pay mine quarterly or twice a year. The land my home is on is two acres so that can be a pretty penny and if you pay late, the penalty fee can be almost half of the total. And if you don't pay within a year or two, you risk having your land/home auctioned off to the highest bidder. Pressure right? lol That's high responsibility but definitely possible with proper planning.

You also have to pay electricity. The bigger the house, the higher the cost.  In urban communities you pay a water bill and trash pickup but I happen to live in the country so FREE WATER for me and I can burn trash or take it to the dump down the road myself. You will need to purchase home insurance which lasts for a year at a time in case of fires, damage from tornadoes and hurricanes, amongst a few other things. I go ahead and pay that bill at the beginning of the year for the entire year. I definitely can't forget that!

A big thing that's also VERY important to remember is maintenance fees. You'll need to take care of your grass by keeping it cut. Of course if you have a lawn mower, you can do it yourself. If you prefer not to like myself, you'll need to hire someone to cut it for you. I have a relative who has his own company so I get him to do mine. Although he cuts me a deal, 2 acres is ALOT of land and can get a little pricey at times.

One of the things I think I was most naive about is the cost of repairs. When you own a home, YOU are responsible for all repairs unlike renting. Heating, air conditioning, water pump, water heater, leaks, cracks, sinks, faucets, washer/dryer, refrigerator etc can at some point need servicing. And more than likely it's unexpected. So planning accordingly will keep you from being in a crisis where something needs to be repaired asap but you are without funds, hence the importance of a budget. But somehow over these last 2 years, I became an expert at home repairs lol Maybe not an EXPERT, but so far I've repaired my refrigerator, washing machine, toilet and a sink (last week) on my OWN. The sink I fixed would've cost at LEAST $200 just to get someone to come out to fix it. Crazy! But I didn't need a repair man whoot whoot!

Now all of that is only expenses for your home. You still have to eat. Everybody eats differently but it's a good idea to plan out how often you plan to grocery shop, how much you plan to spend and also how often you plan to eat out.

And the last thing is your leisure items. Cell phone bill, home phone (if you choose. I personally don't have one anymore, unnecessary for me), cable/Directv bill, internet bill, car note (Unless it's paid off of course. Heyyyyyyyy!), and if you have a car then you NEED car insurance and of course you have to include your cost of gas as well as car maintenance items like tires and oil changes. Although not everyone is a shopaholic, at some point we may choose to buy new clothes, shoes, makeup, etc. And of course sometimes you may want to go bowling, catch a movie, etc. All that needs to be in your budget plan.

Although these aren't necessarily "leisure items" you also have to buy dish detergent, laundry detergent, toilet paper, paper towels, cleaning supplies, light bulbs,  etc and all those other items you will need to re-shelf every so often.

Hopefully I didn't leave anything out. Just wanted to provide a realistic breakdown of what to expect. When God has made the provisions for you to own your own home it is truly a blessing! But make sure you do the proper research and planning, physically AND emotionally. I say emotionally because like I said it's alot of responsibility and if not well prepared emotionally, you can easily feel overwhelmed. I thank God for wisdom and understanding provided to me by the holy spirit because I had no idea what I was doing and I'm still learning on a daily basis. But when I do get my dream home, I'll already have the necessary knowledge to maintain it. So it's truly been a blessing to me.

I've learned so much and although it hasn't been the easiest thing, I'm SOOOO grateful for the lessons that home ownership has taught me. God desires us to OWN and not owe man anything so if your dream is to own a home, prepare, prepare, prepare. Cut back on eating out as often and shopping as much, and get into good habits of saving. Also get into the habits of paying bills on time. One thing I know is that procrastination can be tragic as a homeowner. You have to be on top of your bills or your bills will be on top of you! Dreams are meant to be lived and it's possible, no matter your age especially if you're in a debt free state of mind. Whoot whoot! #mtgdebtfree #endzone Just make sure you plan plan plan!

Home Buying Experience

Like I mentioned in my last post, I'm really interested in buying a home. I've been inspired by one of my friends recently (who also attends my church). She's young, single, and is the mother to a beautiful little girl. And she's closer to owning her own HOME than most people her age. A lot of folks in their 20's, 30's, and even 40's are steadily throwing their money away (how I see it anyway) when they go the route of renting. Now is the time to buy a house though! The difference in rent and mortgage payments these days is not much; they're nearly the same, give or take a few hundred bucks.

I asked Ashley to share her experience. It's rather short and sweet, but I'm sure I'll get into the nitty gritty of the process as I research and learn more about the subject.

Home Buying Experience-Ashley Williams

            God has blessed me with the honor and privilege of buying my first home at the age of twenty-six. After renting for five years, I pursued the process of becoming a homeowner. Initially, I strategized a saving plan for myself that would allow me to create a financial foundation throughout the process. There are out of pocket expenses a future homeowner is subject to pay such as deposits, appraisal fees, inspection fees and closing costs. Aside from being prepared financially, it is important to shop around for different lenders to determine who will provide the most grant funds and the best interest rate. There are first time homebuyers classes offered frequently so definitely contact a local real estate agency whom is capable of providing future class dates.

            God has definitely placed me under a great ministry I must say. Throughout the Debt Free Rally, Bishop Daniel Robertson Jr frequently educated the congregation on the importance of debt freedom. The Power of Connection, I must sayJ. Before my first mortgage payment was due (March 1^st) I was blessed to hear information regarding reducing your mortgage term and paying over and above the standard mortgage payment. The Debt free anointing is definitely flowing to my home as well J

The Latest...

Hey fellow readers!

I really don't know why I've been MIA...my apologies. :)

I hope you all are doing fabulous and living life in the best way that you possibly can.

Let's see...what's been going on in my world???

Due to some inconsistencies on my part (of course), I think I will be graduating in Spring 2013! As opposed to December 2012...or even Spring 2011 (which was the real time). But hey, stuff happens. School is not for everyone, let me tell you! But I guess it must be done, unless you just have it like "that" where you can afford to ball out of control and live your dreams! Good for you! I'll get on that level someday soon.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. Like man, I'm almost 23 years old and I'm still living at home with my Momma! It's not a badddddd thing (rent free), but I'm at that age where I want to feel a sense of accomplishment. I want my own space. And a dog to accompany me. I'm tired of checking in and explaining myself. I mean, I'm no rebel or anything like that. But, can I live though? lol...sheeesh.

Not to go into detail, but I kind of feel like I'm not "growing" (advancing) because of my environment. Of course, I am my worst enemy. However, I believe my surroundings also play a major role. I'm not saying my family members are bad people, but sometimes you just outgrow things and people's ways. A change has to occur at some point. A tree is known by the fruit it bears...

So anyways, I've been thinking about moving out. But I don't want to rent. From anywhere. At all. So apartments are out of the question. Chelsea and I have been house hunting, just for the fun of it. I'm interested in town homes and maybe condos...anything where I'm not putting my money in a hole. I'm ready to OWN some things, including my car Big Booty Judy! lol

Think About It

Ladies....something to think about! My personal favorite: Don't be so available!

Let them Walk

Anybody you have to convince to be in your life, does not belong. Let them walk! T.D Jakes is one of my favorites ministers. I hope this encourages you!

People of the Past

Have you ever gone through something where it seems like no one whose around you now understands you like someone from your past? And when I say people from the past, I'm referring to people who knew you before you really knew yourself. The type of person who could tell what you were thinking by the expression on your face. The type of person who could communicate with you only with a certain glance in your eyes. But also the type of person that really wasn't good for you.

I'm not calling anyone a bad person but there were some people we all had to step back from when we began to get serious in our relationship with God. Maybe there was some romantic interest or maybe there wasn't but I had a dream last night that made me think of this. And I've been there.

I hate to say it but many of those old relationships that surface are a big old distraction. I believe we each move through life in seasons. That's why a transition into a new season can be a bit uncomfortable but it's inevitable. And to be honest, we can't take everyone with us, especially those relationships of the past.

Of course for many people, the past may pop up and come back around but we have to have the discernment to know what steps to take when that happens. Unfortunately a lot of people seek comfort from people from their past because like I said, they KNOW them. But we lie to ourselves when we believe they can offer us something that isn't already readily available to us.

Soul ties are a real thing and can be some of the hardest forms of bondage to break free from. So when God has given you the strength to step away, APPRECIATE IT. DON'T walk back to it when you've already been freed from it. Seeking comfort and acceptance from a person outside of God's will is a trap to get your heart entangled into a season you are already familiar with. Without wisdom and discernment it'll cause you to retrace your footsteps. I've always heard that when you don't learn the lesson the 1st time, God WILL send it back around. Save yourself the backtracking.

I think people should be more open about soul ties. So many people stay in relationships for YEARS while being abused, used, manipulated, disrespected, etc., and that's because their souls will not release them. Of course everyone's relationships haven't ended that way but there was a reason it didn't work in the first place right? Let it be. I have always been told that if you have to hide it, don't do it. Seek accountability and accept what those around you say. Fear of the truth is usually conviction but ultimately can save you from deeper heartache, invested time, and disappointment.

 I can only imagine how God feels knowing that He gave so many people the grace and mercy to be able to break free of a bad relationship only to have them resurface into their lives.

When we make up in our minds, "Not my will but Your will," I believe that's when things line up into place. Everyone wants someone who comforts them and knows them like no one else. But you NEED to experience that before you seek PEOPLE because God has already made Himself available to provide us with all that and more. When we seek others for that, we pretty much are telling Him that He is not enough. And from the depths of my heart, I can guarantee you that He's MORE than enough. But He can only give you what you allow Him to.

 When you know better, you should do better and God holds US accountable based off of what we know. So it doesn't matter what others are doing. We know to seek Him before making decisions and we know to seek Him before releasing our hearts. Therefore if we don't, we face the consequences. I hope this spoke to someone's heart as I am not aiming to condemn. But to encourage each person reading this to remember that God got you to where you are and freed you from your past and it's only His grace that can keep you and ultimately carry you further. Sometimes the enemy is really the "inner me." Keep it moving!

#TheEndZone Update

AWESOME UPDATE:

This is an update from what I discussed in this post.

I'm pleased to announce that my church, Mt. Gilead Full Gospel International Ministries, is now officially debt free!!! Praise GOD!

We raised 1.6 million dollars in 3 months and one week! The church is now a debt free facility, as well as other property that we have accumulated.

GOD is so awesome! I'm not here to brag on my church, but to brag on GOD. If any of you sowed anything into this movement, just EXPECT TO RECEIVE! From God's house to your house! If you take care of His stuff, he most certainly will take care of yours!

Too many times we try to figure it out on our own. We essentially try to be GOD in some situations. But how will you experience His power and His faithfulness if you don't let him in and allow Him to do His job? Be still, pray, and watch Him work miracles in your life. He's just waiting on you.

And remember: Whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.

Healthy Options

Ok so this healthy journey is continuing. I went grocery shopping today to get a few items that I needed. (Oatmeal, chicken breast, veggies etc.) I found a recipe online for a low calorie Pulled Chicken BBQ Sandwich which is pretty much the same as pork BBQ but just with chicken.

 Chicken is a healthier alternative to pork. And I LOVE BBQ sauce like nothing else! Anyway, I was looking at BBQ sauces and wanted to make sure I try my best to pick a healthier choice. While looking at the ingredients, I noticed something I've never noticed before. MOST BBQ sauce has a main ingredient of High Fructose Corn Syrup. According to the USDA, HFCS consists of 24% water, and the rest sugars. It's not good for you at all.

Every sauce that I picked up either had HFCS as it's first or second ingredient. After a little more research, I realized that most sauces including ketchup and liquid marinades are mostly made of HFCS. I wanted to cry lol But I found ONE that didn't have it at all! All natural Weber Real Molasses BBQ sauce has zero high fructose corn syrup in it. Of course it does have some sugars so you would need to eat it in moderation but it's better than the originals.

That was crazy to me. When I thought of HFCS, I thought of sodas and desserts but sauces? No clue. It's surprising what you'll find when you read labels.I've heard of people who have cut out sodas and they end up losing weight. Healthier choices are a bit more expensive but I think it's worth it.