When you don't believe in yourself..

So I would consider this to be a little personal. But not extra personal by some standards but a bit more than I usually share. Quick question to think about: Have you ever not believed in yourself??? I know I have! Let's talk.

So I have lots of pastors and ministers in my family. Some who were before my time but who left a huge legacy. One of the biggest legacies would be my uncle Reverend Adkins who built and pastored a very large church in Richmond, that's still there today. I remember hearing people talk about him as a young child but never thinking of it that way, not realizing that a legacy is something all of us should aim to leave behind for our children, grandchildren, etc. With that being said, every person's calling is important. Although God is the one who puts certain gifts in us, we ultimately control how much of it we accept and submit to.

Growing up, I would always dream about speaking to people whether in a large room or on a stage. But in my mind I remember waking up thinking, "I'm horrified of speaking in front of large groups so that won't happen." It even got to the point that I would "practice" in front of the mirror. I often hear singers say that sung in the mirror and used a hairbrush like a mic. Well I did the same thing, only I wasn't singing (well sometimes lol) but mostly I was speaking. I don't even remember when I started doing that. It literally goes back as far as my recollection.

At that time I didn't completely understand callings and gifts. I thought I was just destined to have a fear of speaking and by pretending to speak to people I was just in a way,experiencing what would never happen. Thinking about it now, I'm shocked to comprehend the level of doubt I had within myself. I remember people who knew my family always saying, "preaching is in your blood." I would always laugh it off but in my mind I was thinking, "No, not I!" Sometimes at my family's church, I would feel obligated to do things. My heart wasn't truly in it but due to pressure and wanting to have a good presentation and not embarrass my family by being so uninvolved, I would do what they asked only dreading it the whole time.

But the closer I became to God, the more desire I had to speak. It's weird to describe but I literally felt like I would burst. I don't even know how to explain it but sometimes I wanted to grab a mic and GO IN. haha It got to the point that I was consistently going to God asking Him what He was doing inside of me. I just knew that things were changing and I was not the same ME anymore. It was the most exciting but scary feeling I had ever felt. Was it possible that my biggest fear was ultimately my highest calling?

I've written poetry all my life. Actually wrote my first when I was like 2. (Funny story actually. If you'd like to know, ask me. Kind of off topic here lol) But it took me a while to get the courage to share them. But when I did and people would actually tell me they NEEDED to hear it, I remember being shocked. All those years I had believed that voice that told me my words had no use and no one wanted to hear them. Of course now I know that was the enemy but I was ashamed I doubted a gift that God had given me and I submitted to doubt instead of faith. SMH

But people were telling me all this stuff about ME. People who didn't even know me. A pastor in Chipotle, a man in the Barnes and Noble checkout line, a lady in the grocery store all seemed to have knowledge of something inside of me that I didn't even see in myself. Why didn't I put all of that together before? Maybe because I couldn't handle it or maybe it was because my mind had yet to be renewed, I don't know.

Then I signed up to do poetry at an open mic. I actually believed that poetry was all the speaking God really required of me. I was so nervous, even thought about not doing it because my nerves were getting to me. But the poem was about fear and that's what convicted me. No way was I going to cause fear to keep me from doing a poem about fear! How contradicting of myself lol I HAD to do it, so I got up there and said this, "False evidence appearing real. Courage is often the first thing that the enemy will steal. If he can chain your lips you'll keep them zipped. And he will use you like an actor who is too afraid to read their script. I did not struggle with just common nerves, but my biggest fear and largest dread was the use of my very own words. Insecure thoughts cascaded my mind...." (Silence)

I FORGOT MY WHOLE POEM!

A poets worst nightmare right?? WRONG! I was ALL in the flesh when I got up there. I was still nervous and my mind was jumbled with the words of my poem.I hadn't completely submitted to the holy spirit. I just wanted to do the poem I practiced and get off the stage so I could say I did it through my nervousness. But I've heard that you see what's inside of you when you're under pressure. God knew that and when I stood up there needing God to rescue me from the faces of the people I stood in front of, HE did. The moment that my mind was cleared of everything was what God needed to really use me. Although the poem was good, God used that to get me up there to finally show me that I was never wasting time by practicing all those years to speak to people, but that I was being prepared. I needed to believe in myself in order to go further. He knew that if He gave me a poem on fear, my conviction would be to great to allow fear to keep me off the stage. And when I submitted my mouth to the holy spirit and He began to flow through me, I encouraged myself. All my life my fear was being on a stage. But when I finally was FORCED to get up there, while looking at the people, all I remember thinking was"this is where I'm suppose to be."

I finally believed the prophecies. I finally realized that all that fear and self doubt was bondage that the enemy specifically assigned to me to keep me from knowing who I was. Although I don't remember 95% of the things I said on stage that night, I remember seeing the faces of people that I knew. All of whom had open mouths and shock in their faces. I remember one person saying that clearly that was the holy spirit. And I agreed. That night when I got home God started to speak to me and all I could do was cry my eyes out. I remember feeling so ashamed because I truly didn't believe my words had power and told God that I just DIDN'T KNOW. And I remember hearing Him say, "Yes you did! But you allowed Satan's voice to be louder than mine." WOW.

So it all makes sense to me now. My dreams, my desires, the prophecies, the "practicing" and mostly MY FEAR. Fear comes from the enemy. It only makes sense for him to attach fear to something that was a threat to him. Who would've thought?! God never intended for me to be silent. I realize that because I didn't believe in myself, God forced me to see some of the things I had been asking Him about. He has a sense of humor eh? I'm sure He was like, "So you're afraid to speak in front of people huh? Let's get you up there and see what you do under pressure." lol I'm glad He did though.

In order to truly believe in yourself when you're stuck in fear, first you must ask yourself, what is the root of fear? Answer: the enemy.

I'VE ALWAYS KNOWN WHAT I WAS CALLED TO DO. ONLY DIFFERENCE IS NOW I FINALLY HAVE THE FAITH TO BELIEVE I CAN DO IT! Just the beginning...

Keep Your Stank Attitude Away From Me, Thanks!

Fill in the blank.  "Life is too short to be______." 

My answer: mad. You're wasting precious time when you sit around being mad at someone for whatever reason.  Can we just AGREE to disagree at times? No need to make a scene. Just breathe and keep it moving. 

I hate when someone is visibly mad at me, and they're not saying anything. (Didn't I just talk about the silent treatment earlier this week?? Yea, that's neither sexy nor cool. Get right! lol) It's like, seriously? I'm feeling pretty good now. You wanna be stank and mess up my giddiness and my flow? Please exit, because I don't want any of that to rub off on me.

Now, we all get moody and have our days. But when you're moody, you need to just keep to yourself. If someone asks what's wrong, though, don't snap. Just talk...no more silent treatment. Talking to someone nearly always helps to bring me quickly out of a funk.

I've been thinking about how I acted in my previous relationship when I was mad or annoyed with him.  I would pout and ALWAYS do the silent treatment---making him try to figure me out.  He would ask what was wrong, and I would just continue to be mad and say, "Nothing," because I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want to let him off the hook for whatever he just annoyed me with. I wanted to be mad, because it was the typical thing to do when someone upset you. How often do you argue with someone, quickly apologize (or just talk calmly about the situation), and just get back to "normal" without all that unnecessary tension? Probably not nearly as much as you should.

A lot of people just hold grudges for a day or two, weeks, months, and even years. Let it go. You're wasting time, like I said before.  Quickly forgive, and N E V E R go to bed mad. Make sure you're cool with all your loved ones. No tension, uncertainty, etc. at all. Life is short, and you don't want any regrets lurking in the back of your mind when it's too late.

With that said, PLEASE keep your stank attitude away from me, THANKS! You will not bring me down to your level. Life is really looking up for me right now. I'm being presented with new opportunities that I didn't even know existed on my behalf, and I don't have time to entertain mood swings. 

Don't get me wrong, I am very sensitive of others' feelings (even when it doesn't seem like it haha). However, I also realize that negative feelings and vibes can transfer to someone else. And, sorry but I'm not tryin to catch that! haha...Have a good night! :-)

A New Hair Dream

Hey people! 


Hope you all are having a fabulous weekend and enjoying some nice pretty weather! I know I am! I just came back from a natural hair event in Norfolk, VA. Since I was mainly helping out with registration for the event, I didn't really get to see all that was going on inside. I got to step in a few times though. :-)

Doesn't it seem like EVERYONE and their mama is going "natural" with their hair these days? There's nothing wrong with it, as long as you do it for the right reasons (and not because everyone's doing it). I guess you could say my hair is in that transitioning stage; I haven't had a relaxer in about 7 months. Right now, I have in some kinky twists. Thank God! lol! You just don't understand...


You may be aware of most of my flaws, and my hair is no exception. I've never been good with my hair. Ever. Even when it was fully relaxed, if it wasn't one thing...it was something else about it that was bothering me. I remember when I was younger and getting frustrated to TEARS (haha) because I couldn't do a ponytail without a lump at the top of my head. lol...


Last year was the first time I felt that I wrapped my hair correctly. Usually, it wouldn't stay up while I was brushing it. I would still wrap it with a whole bunch of hair overlapping the wrap band thingy. And of course, nothing would be on my hair in the morning. A mess, I know.


It seems like every time I do my hair, you can tell. It looks BIG, puffy, and dry! lol...that is why I'm going natural. I'm tired of dealing with this mess! lol...I don't want to attempt to wrap anything else, brush anything, straighten anything out, or comb my nappy roots. I want some locks!!!!


I originally wanted sisterlocks, but now I'm considering starter locks. I was reminded today that I need to do my research on anything that I might be interested in. So, I will be doing just that.


I already know that sisterlocks are extremely pricey for me, the college student with the part-time job. It's a reasonable price to start out the traditional locks, though. I'm realizing day by day that I'm not "big time" yet. Some things I just have to say "no" to right now, but I'll be back to it soon. I can't "keep up with the Jones's" anymore unless I wanna be living in the poor house lol...


I don't know about you, but I want to be wiser in my decisions from here on out. As much as I want to JUMP, GO, and DO, I have to be mindful of where CANDICE is in life. Sorry, I can't try to keep up with others anymore at this time. Gotta do me, and you gotta do you. 


Continue to seek God for wisdom and guidance, do some research on your desires, and just stay in your own lane. Don't compare your life to another person's. When it's your time, it'll come.


*Just in case you forgot, I'm random. :-)

No Worries, My Daddy Will Take Care of That!

This blog has NOTHING to do with being "wifey" material...well, maybe a little bit.

Do you know what this ugly specimen is?

No? Me neither. My guess? Evil cousin of the fuzzy, friendly caterpillars. The thing has like a million fangs, and bleeds brownness. Eek!

Ugh, the sight of it is making me squirm. How about I just killed two of these in my kitchen! My KITCHEN! I had just finished eating my late night dinner, didn't see the thing, and walked on it! *Thankfully, im a sock person!* 

I thought I had stepped on a piece of food or something, but I nearly jumped out of my skin when I saw it was a creepy, slimey bug. My first impulse was to scream, "DADDY!!!!" lol...but it was nearly 1:00AM soo, I had to handle this. You would probably laugh if I told you all I did to dispose of the creature. It just wouldn't die! Even when I finally killed it, I did NOT want to pick it up with a paper towel or nothing. Oh no, I tried to scoop it up with some shoes, and when that didn't work, I just swept the sucker up. *evil laugh* 

After that I just flushed it down the toilet. Feeling good about myself and grossed out at the same time, I strolled back in the kitchen. And then all of a sudden, another one of those things had appeared! I was FREAKING out, shaking a little bit (lol), and getting itchy. I killed that one too, but I couldn't take it anymore.

I woke my dad up and told him the situation. He didn't seem to care that I was frantic over these evil worms taking over the kitchen. "Oh, I guess I'll have to just get something to spray in there," he said. What?!! That's it? lol...I thought he was gonna get up and check on it right then and there. Guess not. Sigh.

Now, I'm up blogging. I feel like cleaning. Like OCD type cleaning. I know what you're thinking...this will be GREAT for me---to clean in places that have been neglected from my touch for so long! Ughhh! I HATE bugs. I mean, all creatures are lovely (as long as the insects, reptiles, and amphibians stay out of my house and out of my yard).

Last year, there was a HUGE snake just chillin in front of the garage. You betcha I ran in the house and screamed, "DADDY!!!" I guess this is the point that would relate to PROJECT WIFEY==> You can't rely on Daddy to kill your bugs. lol...you better be knowledgeable about insect killing products to keep them out of your house! Although I don't want to learn how to do this, but maybe I should learn how to kill a snake...should the opportunity arise again. If my dad wasn't there that day, I don't know what I'd do. Ummm, call the police? lol

There are a lot of things that everyone should know how to do, especially girls. I know I rely on my dad for a lot of things dealing with my car. Lately, though he's been showing me how to check my oil and the tire pressure. I'd like to learn how to change a tire too, because I don't want to be that ditzy girl on the side of the road not knowing what's going on. 

I know they always say that girls shouldn't go to the auto shop without a male present, because the workers tend to take advantage of females and their lack of knowledge of cars. However, I'd like to be able to have an intelligent conversation with one of those mechanics and quickly call them out if I realized they were trying to get over on me. Girl power!!! :-)

Song for the Occasion: Beyonce--Run the World (Girls)...I didn't mean to like this new hit by Bey. I really didn't. lol...Haven't really been a fan of hers in AWHILE, but my ears think it's catchy. Plus, I like girl anthems for some reason. FYI: God runs the world, and He made girls pretty pretty darn awesome. It has been said that females are the weaker vessel, but we don't have to be weak and ditzy-minded. Get some know-how on some things, and DON'T be afraid to get your hands dirty.

Speaking of getting hands dirty, I forgot to tell you all how my veggie garden is doing. Stuff is sprouting up already!! I'm amazed. I just planted seeds less than 2 weeks ago! Wow! I just think the whole process of planting seeds and watching the harvest is just crazzzyyyy! (In a good way, of course!)   

Deliverance from Spoilism

I had a very enlightening conversation with two people over the weekend in the Buffalo Wild Wing parking lot lol They're both good friends of mine and the conversation ranged from relationships to mission trips. And I love those type of discussions, where I can leave with more knowledge and revelation. Don't get me wrong I love laughing and acting silly but it's rare to have an actual discussion, NOT debate. (I really have to be in the right mindset for debates otherwise I'll just walk away lol) But I left the conversation feeling even more driven.


When you're actually working on yourself to be better, I wont lie, sometimes it's hard to see people do all the things you USE to do. Man, the things I use to do! lol But I think it's because it's easy to forget the brokenness that you felt when you were doing those things. It's true that the higher you become, the fewer people that are around and for the first time in my life, I'm enjoying it! I always wanted alot of people around me, ALWAYS. But when I opened my heart to God, there just isn't much room left.


It was just encouraging to have that conversation and hearing that they were also in that season. One of the things one of them said stuck with me. He said he was FOCUSED. Now that may not mean much to some people but I was overjoyed to hear him say that. I have finally gotten my FOCUS so I know how hard it is. Between relationships, friendships, dreams, etc. it kind of seemed like I would never get tunnel vision. So much was going on around me. People were prophesying about my future, I was trying to hear from God, and I was breaking free of some things. I literally felt like God was pulling me so quickly by my arm that my feet couldn't catch up and eventually I was being dragged. But what it really was, was God telling me I should be further along. And I needed to catch up! I have so much going on inside of me that sometimes I feel like I'm going to burst. I'm excited for the overflow, I will say. But all in His timing.


I enjoyed the relationship talk. We all have made relationship errors. And I've made my share of more than a few but what I realized was that it's all a part of the lesson. Through my mistakes, I'm learning daily how to be a good woman for my good man! I completely understand that I MUST have the qualities that I desire. Otherwise, it's unfair. Love is so much more than about me. It's sacrificial, therefore if I'm selfish how can I properly love. If I'm impatient, can I properly love? No. I believe I'm pretty patient but I suffer from Spoilism. (Yes I made that up) I've always been SPOILED but I wouldn't trade it for anything. But now I believe this is a season for me to become more mature and I don't wanna toot my own horn but *TOOT TOOT* I'm getting there! I'm so grateful for God's patience.

I've been reading a book about the different fruits of the Spirit and I'm learning more everyday. Not many people know much about me outside of family but heads up to those who do know me, "Soon you won't recognize me either."

Thankful God has not given up on me during my process! Stay tuned.

Let's Eat!

"They say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach." Well um, WOMEN EAT TOO! lol Another path of this journey to wholeness is knowing your way around the kitchen. Candice and myself decided to make a lil dish. I take after my grandma because we didn't measure ANYTHING but it came out great. YUM! Let us begin...

Boiling water is simple enough right! I put some olive oil in to keep the noodles from sticking. You can use vegetable oil too but we didn't have any of that. Beginners should AT LEAST make it through this step lol





Aren't these the cutest lil shrimp?? We brought these frozen with the tail still attached. (Didn't realize the tail was attached until we got to the house but luckily Candice was patient enough to detach them all :-)) They thawed in about five minutes while running cold (NOT hot) water over them.

These are the red and yellow peppers. These are REALLY good. Candice diced these up good. She keeps saying she's not a cook, YET. She did great though and didn't even complain ONCE hahaha

The seasoned shrimp. They were seasoned with red pepper, oregano, garlic, and basil.

Cook the shrimp and peppers a little with olive oil.

Put the noodles in boiling water until they're tender.

Add the Alfredo sauce (Yum!) and then combine everything together.

AND HERE'S THE GRAND FINALE!

IT WAS SO GOOD AND LASTED LIKE THREE DAYS CAUSE WE MADE SO MUCH LOL STAY TUNED FOR THE NEXT MEAL!

My Day Off...And I Was A Tad Bit Productive!

Hey people!


As the title indicates, I was off from work today! And it felt SO good, I must say. I didn't even sleep-in til noon like I usually do; I was oh so proud of myself! :-)


I woke up around 9 something...spent an adequate amount of time reading (Bible & that book A Month to Live). I had breakfast today too...and worked out after.


My working out mainly consists of the Michael Jackson Experience game for Wii or the Wii Fit. Today, I danced with Michael! Maybe dancing to MJ isn't a legit form of exercise, but I was sweating! There's like 26 songs on there, and I can never do them ALL in one sitting. I really tried today though, but I felt like falling out after about the 18th song...so close! lol..so yea...I've been feeling refreshed and like I did my body a little bit of good today.

Of course I didn't do all that I had set out doing on this beautiful day off. I still meant to edit/update my resumé, do EVEN MORE reading, and WRITE! WRITE! WRITE! It's weird that I feel that I'm born to write...but I don't do it as often as I should. The most writing I've been doing lately is on this blog (and that ain't even enough either! smh). I've shared with a few people that I think I'm scared of success...just a little bit. That what if I actually make it and THIS is it? What if this is the witty idea/dream that will bring me UP, OVER, & OUT? What if I'm on the top and there's nowhere else to go to from there?


I've been learning how to combat that last question though. My pastor often reminds us not to be complacent or familiar with where we are and to NEVER get to the point where you think you have "made it." Sooo...there it is! Run with that! lol


Lesson of the day---> Sometimes God will give you tests to see if you love Him more than the sin you continue to indulge in. Whenever you fail a test (by putting the sin over your love for Him), He will re-issue that same test until you can pass it with flying colors. YOU hold up progress by your repeatedly failed attempts.


On that note, pray for me. :) 

My Week Recap...

Hello beautiful people!


I know, I know...I'm slacking! Blahhh lol...Side Note:  Where is my co-host Chelsea??? She hasn't written in ages...boooo! Oh well, the show must go on! :)


This week was the week of Mother's Day.  That day was pretty fun.  My family and I took my mom out to this new Italian restaurant in my town.  That was a different change of pace.  Usually if we want Italian, we hit up Olive Garden or something.  I can't remember the name of the place...I think it was the word "flavors" in Italian.  Anyway, it was definitely tasty and I enjoyed the family time.


Even though it was Mother's Day, I felt like I spent a huge chunk of time with my dad.  I will admit that I am a "daddy's girl."  I just love him!  


I guess for the past few years I have been meaning to plant a garden with my grandpa (dad's father), since he was a beast when it came to stuff like that.  He would plant cucumbers, tomatoes, salad, and even apples.  I was really looking forward to this Spring so he could show me the ropes to gardening.  Unfortunately, he passed away at the ripe age of 91 this past December. Even in his absence, I was determined to keep his legacy alive somehow.

In March, I bought a few seeds from Lowe's to start my garden off--cucumber, squash, corn.  This was a project my dad and I were going to work on.  We'd been putting it off quite a bit until Mother's Day afternoon.  Finally, though, I learned a few basics to gardening.  It was a very nice day outside, perfect weather!  I will post pictures up when stuff starts sprouting out the ground.  I'm excited!!  My dad is supposed to be planting some onions and tomatoes as well.  Have you ever tried fried green tomatoes?? Ummm, YUM!  They are so good!! My dad introduced me to these a few years ago.  If you add sugar, they are sooooo bum!!! Yummy!  I want some like...now! haha...and what about cucumbers soaked in vinegar?? Perfect summer snack!  I don't know how healthy that is, but I'm not one of those chicks counting their carbs.  I'm not stuffing my face with lard and grease either.  I believe in moderation. I am getting to the point where I want to eat healthier, but I'm not giving up my sugary cereals or my Sweet Frog/icecream addiction.  At least not yet. :)

Moving on......


Let's talk about DISTRACTIONS for a quick minute. Without going into great detail, just know that I was temporarily distracted sometime this week by a certain someone.  


It's CRAZYYY how distractions will just appear when you are on the right track to finally getting your stuff together.  That's what happened to me. I was at work one day this week, thinking of a storyline to write when I got home.  (I like writing fictional stories/poems, fyi. Maybe I'll give you all a sneak peak soon.)  But man, I was so focused and couldn't wait to get home and write out all my ideas.  I was gonna get me some Sweet Frog, relax, and write! write! write! However....


A certain person distracted me that day.  I'm sure that was not their intent, since I know they truly want the best for me (no matter what others may think).  But, they were being a distraction nonetheless. [And yea, enough on that situation, ahem...]


Distractions can come in many shapes, sizes, and forms.  People can be a distraction to your purpose and your goals, so watch the company that you keep.  Seriously, not everyone is FOR you.  There are people out there praying for your demise and failure.  


Note: When attacks/distractions are coming at you like nobody's business, it usually means that YOU are doing something right.  So, take joy in that. Keep on keeping on. 

Can I vent a Little?

Let's talk about this word DECEPTION. Deception, beguilement, deceit, bluff, mystification, amongst other things. Deception and manipulation go hand in hand. Both relate to the idea that a person will do whatever in order to get what they want or get to where they want to be. It's sad to realize that deception and manipulation are in the Body of Christ. So you mean to tell me that a sister on my row with her hands in the air may have the ability to deceive me?? That's not cool.


One thing I believe God is currently helping me develop is my discernment. It's pretty good but there's no limit as to how mature I plan to get. I have begun to feel sympathy for manipulators. It has to be miserable to want so much control that you would use trickery and witchcraft. WOW that's serious stuff!


There are certain things I like to be in control of but technically it's usually things that involve me. I would never try to control a person or manipulate a situation. So I can only imagine how desperate a person must be to deceive someone. Deception has ALWAYS bugged me. One thing I don't like is people who pretend to be a certain way for their own personal gain. It's like, if you really want something in life, get it for yourself! It's frustrating seeing people try to step over everyone or take someones place in the process instead of finding their own way.


I had this conversation with two of my friends tonight. One who has had his experiences with feeling deceived and one whose dealing with this now and they both said "Use discernment!" I'm grateful for wisdom. Of course many people try to enter someone's life when they are in a vulnerable state and have ill intentions. I think that has happened to EVERYONE and I am not exempt from that. The one thing that's sad to me is that some people don't realize how much I can see right THROUGH them. I love all people. But even through kind words and kind actions, I can point out hidden intentions or manipulation with a snap of my finger.


I'm learning to not act on emotion but to wait a while and think rationally. I often find myself waking up praying for people who are deceiving and manipulative. That's how I know I'm changing because not too long ago I would've called them out, gave them the duces, and kept it moving lol But not anymore.


I do believe I have great discernment and God is allowing me to have experience in that area so I can grow more. I don't like to call people out unless I feel led because otherwise I feel like I'm abusing that ability and I don't want that to happen. But deceit is a bad feeling and I plan to keep my distance from people who I get that "vibe" from. Of course I know that no one can manipulate me because I have wisdom and see through those schemes, but it's frustrating when people THINK they can. SMH Not happening. Get real. I am so not the gullible type.


That's why it's important to me that I refill the gap between me and my closest family members. Part of me needed the space for a while to come to terms with everything and now that I believe i have, I need to reestablish that connection. I've been blessed with a HUGE family that I took for granted And I'm grateful for that time apart because God truly took the time to show me that I have what so many people wish they had. It was a great feeling to hear their excitement when I finally gave many of them a call. I appreciate them for respecting my space though and that's how I know they genuinely hold my best interest. I'm excited about spending more time with them like the old days and I will never take them all for granted again. EVER. I really did not realize what God gave me! But there's nothing like being COVERED by family so I'm glad I woke up and repositioned myself under their protection. I love them. :-)


I am truly blessed and I know it!
But anyway, be mindful of deception. Everyone is not genuine and may not hold your best interest.


Keep in mind, manipulators have the need to advance their own purposes and their own gain at virtually any cost to others. They don't realize reality will eventually invade their false prosperity. So walk in love folks! The Bible says that whatever you sow, you will reap.


Sow love and reap the harvest!

Untitled...just 5-7-2011

The reason it took me so long to write this time was:  I didn't have anything to say!    :-/

I don't really have a particular topic in mind for today either.  I don't know what it is.  I'm just writing because...I guess.

From my last posting, you may have guessed that I just started immediately living life with no regrets and blowing all my money on life adventures (like Queen Latifah did in Last Holiday).  But...no. I had a semi-productive week after that.

I finally got my education stuff straight. I've switched colleges SO many times...long story. But I've finally decided to finish something this time.  So back to square one at ODU (via satellite), and hopefully by Dec 2012 or May 2013 I will be DONE!  I feel like I've been in school long enough to have obtained a Masters or Doctorate in something. smh.

Classes are registered for the Fall...just gotta pay for them. haha...and I'm forcing myself to take an online summer class. I'm getting focused for real this time.  I like to have fun and hang out with friends, and that has been one of my highest priorities since I began college.  This time around, I gotta do what's right for Candice. My dad always says that there'll be plenty of time for fun.

College is really not long. I'm amazed at how quickly four years went by since I graduated from high school. I can't believe my little brother is graduating in a month.  Wow...I'm telling you, it feels like I just did that! If I had caught on to the concept that "College isn't long, and there'll be plenty of time for fun," I would be singing a whole different tune right about now.  Oh well, this is not the time for regrets.

I heard this quote awhile ago pertaining to regrets. "You shouldn't have any regrets, because at one time it was something you wanted to do."

So, I really have no regrets. I guess in a perfect world, we would all want to do things a little bit differently.  However, everything works out for the good for those who love GOD!!  Everything always has a way of shaping you into the person you were meant to be anyway.

As far as being more productive, I've been reading a little more.  Soon, I'll be back on my nerdy bookworm status. I don't care what you think or say.  I used to be in LOVE with reading and writing.  I could do that all day--it was like my favorite pastime or something.  Haven't been that into it since maybe middle school...sigh. I'm getting back into it though.  What am I reading now??

Call me what you want, but I'm trying to read the entire Bible.  Never did it before, so why not? Sometimes when people use references from the Old Testament, I have no clue as to what they're referring to or where it is located.  So, I'm  reading it for a better understanding and to see all that God wanted for us to know.  I'm excited as to what I will find out.  I'm halfway through Genesis lol, so stay tuned.

I'm also reading A Month to Live by Kerry and Chris Shook.  It is taking me F O R E V E R to finish this book!!  I remember when I got it a couple of years ago. I was in the same position as I am now, as far as figuring out my purpose and life. Not to sound deep, but I went into the Christian Bookstore looking for a quick fix to my problem and God literally led me to this book.  He told me that this was the book that would help me with that, but still I have yet to get past Chapter 3.  Ughhhh!

No worries, changes are being made.  Progress doesn't take place overnight, but excuses can be eliminated.  You must change a thought or a habit to see true C H A N G E manifested in your life. Keep smiling.  Keep dreaming.  Keep believing, and just GO!