Deliverance from Spoilism

I had a very enlightening conversation with two people over the weekend in the Buffalo Wild Wing parking lot lol They're both good friends of mine and the conversation ranged from relationships to mission trips. And I love those type of discussions, where I can leave with more knowledge and revelation. Don't get me wrong I love laughing and acting silly but it's rare to have an actual discussion, NOT debate. (I really have to be in the right mindset for debates otherwise I'll just walk away lol) But I left the conversation feeling even more driven.


When you're actually working on yourself to be better, I wont lie, sometimes it's hard to see people do all the things you USE to do. Man, the things I use to do! lol But I think it's because it's easy to forget the brokenness that you felt when you were doing those things. It's true that the higher you become, the fewer people that are around and for the first time in my life, I'm enjoying it! I always wanted alot of people around me, ALWAYS. But when I opened my heart to God, there just isn't much room left.


It was just encouraging to have that conversation and hearing that they were also in that season. One of the things one of them said stuck with me. He said he was FOCUSED. Now that may not mean much to some people but I was overjoyed to hear him say that. I have finally gotten my FOCUS so I know how hard it is. Between relationships, friendships, dreams, etc. it kind of seemed like I would never get tunnel vision. So much was going on around me. People were prophesying about my future, I was trying to hear from God, and I was breaking free of some things. I literally felt like God was pulling me so quickly by my arm that my feet couldn't catch up and eventually I was being dragged. But what it really was, was God telling me I should be further along. And I needed to catch up! I have so much going on inside of me that sometimes I feel like I'm going to burst. I'm excited for the overflow, I will say. But all in His timing.


I enjoyed the relationship talk. We all have made relationship errors. And I've made my share of more than a few but what I realized was that it's all a part of the lesson. Through my mistakes, I'm learning daily how to be a good woman for my good man! I completely understand that I MUST have the qualities that I desire. Otherwise, it's unfair. Love is so much more than about me. It's sacrificial, therefore if I'm selfish how can I properly love. If I'm impatient, can I properly love? No. I believe I'm pretty patient but I suffer from Spoilism. (Yes I made that up) I've always been SPOILED but I wouldn't trade it for anything. But now I believe this is a season for me to become more mature and I don't wanna toot my own horn but *TOOT TOOT* I'm getting there! I'm so grateful for God's patience.

I've been reading a book about the different fruits of the Spirit and I'm learning more everyday. Not many people know much about me outside of family but heads up to those who do know me, "Soon you won't recognize me either."

Thankful God has not given up on me during my process! Stay tuned.