Mind Attacks

Yea so it's been awhile since I've posted anything...sorry guys!

Have you ever felt like you were going to lose your mind? Like seriously. I was sort of feeling like that pretty much all this week. I can't even explain it all; I just thought I was gonna go crazy and I was tempted to do something real stupid. For some reason, I felt lonely. I would wake up everyday feeling empty. I didn't understand why though. I've felt those feelings before, and they didn't last forever. They would usually come around when I was putting any and everything above God, but I've felt that I've been giving Him an adequate amount of my time lately so I was lost as to WHY I was feeling like this.

After talking to a couple people, I've come to the conclusion that I was and still am BEING BROKEN. I didn't know what "being broken" meant until after I decided to be serious for the Lord a couple years ago. Things are always going peachy until randomly out the blue, I got hit. It's normal to be lonely, because it's likely that it means God is desiring to spend more time with you. (*Thanks Chels*) Ain't it funny that we just came from an awesome conference in Louisiana and the next week, I begin to randomly feel like crap? Yea, it's just the devil.

On this journey to wholeness, I'm steadily learning that there's always going to be obstacles and things that the enemy will throw in my direction to get me off track. That goes for you too. Man, he was really trying to bother me this week y'all. If you know anything about me, you would know that I was never a wild child. I never got sucked into the whole partying/clubbing scene. But for some reason, I started to envy people that were doing that. I was kinda wishing I could "go out" this weekend and do something. People in the world always seem like they're just having the best time ever, and I so wanted to live on the wild side for once. I envied them so much. So I was kinda wishing I had been more worldly in my pre-Christ days lol...smh

Then, I started getting emotional and feeling weird whenever I thought about August approaching. My brother's about to leave and go off to college. Boo hoo! :'( lol...I knew he was gonna leave eventually, but it just seems so real now. I hope he remembers me, himself, and of course the Lord! lol :)

Then I started thinking about my purpose and destiny, and that led to the usual frustration. Then I thought about all the job applications and interviews I've been on recently, and how there's no new job to show for it. The devil was trying to talk me down, make me feel worthless, and discourage me from continuing to press forward in life.

This whole situation just shows me how I'm still not ready to be found; there is still much preparation to be done. True wholeness is still awaiting to be experienced. There is so much to be seen, heard, and done. If there is no one around to encourage you during hard times, sometimes you just gotta get some strength and encourage yourself.

Life & death: Check your voicemail!

So our last post was 10 days ago. Alot has been going on. Candice and I got the opportunity to go to Campmeeting 2011 for a week in Darrow, Louisiana at Dr. Leroy Thompson Sr.'s ministry. Dr. Thompson is our spiritual father's father. So in other words, he's our spiritual grandpa lol And when I say he's full of wisdom, he is truly full of wisdom.

The holy spirit showed up each and everyday but there was one day in particular that was different. I can't describe the feeling but I remember in my mind thinking, "No one in here can doubt that God is real." I always refer to moments like that as being "thick." His presence was thick and it couldn't have been escaped. I believe it was so strong that even those whose hearts had been closed for however many years, etc., were opened on that day. People were being set free from bondages of all kinds just by being present. I was in awe!

My bishop spoke on Wednesday. And I will say that it definitely gave me a greater respect for him. When you receive such an amazing message week after week, it's important not to become familiar with the gift. And to see how people were responding to him, reminded me of how much of a blessing he really is. Bishop said something that really spoke to me. He said, "Just because you're called doesn't mean you'll get there. But it means to have the potential to get there." That stuck with me. Everybody is called for something but the only ones who see the manifestation are the ones who do it the right way.

Whether you're called to pastor, sing, evangelize, minister in other countries, etc., that doesn't guarantee that you'll get there. If someone calls you for a job interview and the caller always goes to voicemail and you never pick up, eventually you're going to end up getting replaced because the job must get done. It's wonderful to be called but it's important to answer. How many of you have sent God to voicemail or put Him on hold when He has a job waiting for you. Check your voicemail! He's calling YOU for a reason.

Seeds of drive were implanted in me last week. I realized that I control how far I go. Although I already knew that, while I was looking at Dr. Thompson I realized that he was walking in his calling. And suppose he decided not to answer, I wouldn't be able to write about the wisdom and encouragement that I've received from him. Fast forward, 40 years from now. I want someone to be writing about me. And the only way I can become who I'm called to be is to answer God and get Him off HOLD.

Um..I will not entertain it!

Where do I begin? I must say that I truly believe I'm in a vital season of my life. I have very mixed feelings at the moment. I don't think it's a coincidence that I'm feeling this way after my bishop spoke about FAITH.

By mixed emotions, I'm referring to the push and pull I feel of having dreams to accomplish and visions God has shown me but wondering how I can get from here to there. Naturally when someone gives us directions, many of us want to know that next few steps after. I've noticed in my life, God hasn't done that. He'll only tell me one thing to do at a time. Once I've done it, He proceeds to the next step. Many times it doesn't make sense. But that's faith, knowing that He'll direct me wherever I'm suppose to go. I guess I have quite a few moments where I have to knock that self-doubt thought out of my mind. It SEEMS impossible at times but God works best with impossible situations.

I have no other desire than to be who God created me to be. But I was in a little FUNK earlier. Of course I know the journey will be worth it in the end but I guess there's a certain pressure that you feel to meet the requirements. All that we go through helps to create us into who we are meant to be. God knows the results of things that break us or hurt us and it must be done to get to where He needs us.

So I guess it's fair to say I woke up feeling discouraged. I dwelled in it for a few moments but then God reminded me that I'm going to campmeeting in Louisiana next week. So I was quickly convinced that I should be expecting great things! That's when the enemy comes at you right? When something good is on the way! So the discouragement turned into great expectation. It's not always easy being me. But one thing I know is that as long as I stay focused on what's important I won't be consumed by negativity.

I have in my mind a portion of where God wants me and at times it feels overwhelming because it seems too far fetched. But who am I to tell God what I'm capable of lol Who I really am is beyond where I am and I must enjoy the process of getting there. I do most days but sometimes I want to skip the lesson and just BECOME but it doesn't work like that.

I won't entertain discouraging feelings. Now I am definitely EXPECTING. I'll probably keep a journal of what I learn and different revelations while I'm at campmeeting. I'm even hungrier than I was before so it's all good! The only one who has a shot at becoming ME, is ME. Step 237840374 on the road to wholeness! lol

Revamp! Revamp! Revamp!

Wherever you are in the world, I just wanna say THANK YOU for reading the Project Wifey blog!!! What do you think of it?? Comment below. I'd love to hear from you! Feel free to read our previous postings from a few months ago. I'm sure you can relate to this journey--whether you are male or female, young or old.

We are about to revamp this blog within the next couple of months, turning it into an actual website. It's just too "Plain Jane" for my taste. I know you're thinking the same lol...Chelsea and I are in the works of finding a website designer, planning the next steps to this blog, and continuing to live our single lives while getting closer to "wifey" status. This is not a journey to find a man and keep him, but it's rather a journey to become ALL that we are meant to be regardless of a man standing by our side.

Stay tuned to...

• Video clips on recipes we'll be cooking up (from the basics on up to the fancy shmancy stuff when we can decorate a dish with parsley and/or fruit lol)

• A weekly "What We're Reading" segment on books that we're entertaining our lives with. REMEMBER==> READERS ARE LEADERS.

• Organizing and cleaning all our spaces (room, closet, bathroom, car)

• A spot where YOU can share what you're doing on the regular to obtain your "wifey" status aka WHOLENESS...this includes the fellas too! (We all need to be whole!!)

• How To's on pretty much anything (changing a tire, checking/changing oil, cleaning an oven, swimming [that's for me, can't swim :-/ ], fishing, managing natural hair, homeownership, planting a garden, etc.

• Segments on our health and weight loss journeys (for those who need it) but we ALL need to get on a more healthier track for life

• Traveling adventures! Having fun! Exploring new and exotic places! Giving back to the community and the world! Encouraging YOU to walk in your divine purpose and know YOURSELF before you try to explain who you think you are to a potential mate or even a new friendship.

• .....AND MORE!!!

YAY! I'm getting excited just writing about what is to come! Prayerfully, the revamping will take place THIS SUMMER. I'm learning to be a person that's not just a "big talker," but a doer. I want to walk the talk out, and go forth in the direction of my dreams!! Don't you? You should!! There's a whole world to see and so many things that you're supposed to have done before you see the man upstairs!! Let's goooooo!

SN: If you're interested in contributing in any sort of way to this project, please hit us up!! Looking for website designers, graphic designers, T-shirt designers, people that know more than us lol...let's help each other out!~~> "There's room for everyone in the Kingdom."

Is it alive?

Genesis 2:7 Then the LORD God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.

I heard a sermon not too long ago that was based off of this verse and it really blessed me. One question that I think is incredibly important to ask yourself, "Is there anything in my life I've created that God did not breath into?"

I looked up the definition of alive. And the one that stood out to me stated that being alive means continuing in existence. So if something is alive that means it should be making progress. It shouldn't just be in one place doing one thing forever, life should equal pressing forward.


Genesis 2:7 is describing the creation of the first man, Adam. God created him from dust and THEN God gave him life. Before God breathed into Adam he was a creation but he was not alive. Without life you can't function. If you don't have life you can't pursue or live up to a purpose. To make it plain, without life any creation is a waste.

We as humans often lose patience. We feel that we're missing out on things that we want or need, not realizing that greater blessings take greater preparation. In the mist of doubt, sometimes envy,and alot of times being impatient, we take it upon ourselves to create our own situations. This list could include many things, relationships, friendships, businesses, etc. But without the breath of life from God, it's a creation but it is not alive. Just as Adam was created by God and was a man, he didn't have purpose or the ability to make progress until God breathed LIFE into him.

I think being mature in Christ and growing requires each of us to admit to our own wrong doings. There have been many times in my life that certain things didn't work out. Sometimes it was the wrong timing or the wrong decision but what it comes down to was that I personally had created it, but God had not given it life to progress. Therefore it was a waste and it was dead. I'm grateful for that lesson and more importantly that revelation.

When we put our will before God, many times we're left with baggage. We're left dragging our dead creation because it was out of disobedience and was not approved by God. On this journey of growth that I'm currently on, it was important for me to understand the importance of God's will. Everyday we create things, ideas, dreams, and aspirations. But what is currently in our lives that God has not breathed on? Relationships that we've created can become baggage just as dreams that we pursue prematurely. There is no life outside of God. Our situations are no different than Adam's creation. If God needs to breath life in His OWN creation, what makes any of us think we can create without the BREATH OF LIFE from God? Doesn't make any sense right?

I thought it was important to share this with you because we're all growing together. And to stay away (as much as possible) from broken hearts and failed dreams, it's important to know the importance of submitting to God's will. To create only what He has instructed us to create and to stay away from our own created unapproved relationships and friendships. And to wait to pursue certain dreams until God has given our creation life.

God can't bless disobedience. And one of the things that can bring the most discouragement, is creating something that is dead. It may not be dead because it was NEVER for you but it may be dead because of the impatience that pushed you to create it without the hand of God. Rest in knowing His way is always the right way. His timing is always the right timing. Just know that He is God. I would much rather wait patiently for His living creation than to drag along my own created dead one!


Find patience in the breath of life.
-Ryunosuke Satoro

Purity in Sowing

I just read Candice's recent blog and laughed because she talked about something that I was planning on mentioning and that's SOWING. As a woman of God, it's important to sow seeds, meaning to give your tithes and also an offering. But not only that but also to give the way God instructs you to give. Blessings don't necessarily come from the actual item but I believe they mostly come from obedience. The bible says that we will all reap what we sow. That verse describes positive and negative actions, seeds, etc. We all should have great expectancy for what God has for us but don't put it above the blessing it is to someone else.

I say all that because I believe it's important to be pure at heart. On the road to wholeness, recognizing impurities is vital to becoming better. There's a difference between sowing to sow and sowing to receive. And I had to understand that sowing is not all about materialistic things. They can be wonderful when you are blessed with them but you can also sow spiritual seeds. Encouragement, sincerity, love, etc are all seeds. God blesses us based on obedience. It's not a show or time for the spotlight but it should be an opportunity for God to get glory.

Matthew 6:6 But when you pray, go into your [most] private room, and, closing the door, pray to your Father, Who is in secret; and your Father, Who sees in secret, will reward you in the open. (Amplified)

I believe that also applies to sowing. Being that God is the one who provides blessings, it doesn't matter if you sow seeds privately. He sees all and you will be rewarded for being obedient. However, if you put your faith in man, you will be disappointed. I enjoy the idea of leaving a seed in someones car or sending something in the mail with no return address. That may seem odd to some but I had to realize that I am only the vessel. And I've been blessed to be a blessing.

Although we should all have great expectancy of the things God will do in our lives, we have to realize that God won't always bless us the exact way we're expecting. You may sow a seed but not reap the harvest until years later. Would you regret giving if you didn't see the immediate return? Having joy shouldn't just come from the excitement you feel from the idea of you receiving more. But joy should come from the excitement on the face of someone else when God uses you to bless them. And a good way to analyze how pure at heart you really are is to ask, "if I knew that I wouldn't receive the same or greater in return from this seed, would I still give it?"

Matthew 5:8 Blessed (happy, enviably fortunate, and spiritually prosperous--possessing the happiness produced by the experience of God's favor and especially conditioned by the revelation of His grace, regardless of their outward conditions) are the pure in heart, for they shall see God! (Amplified)

I think that sums it up pretty well. Wholeness in God is having complete faith in God and not in man. God has a way of doing things and they don't always happen the way you're expecting. Sowing if incredibly important to every individual and every household but even more important is sowing out of obedience and good, pure intentions. I've done by share of being disobedient, God telling me to sow a seed and I procrastinate.

One time in particular, God told me to give money to a woman at church. I couldn't find her after service so I remember thinking "Oh well, I'll do it later." Two weeks went by and it wasn't on my mind. Then one Wednesday a close friend of mine said she was suppose to give her a seed. To keep it short, I was beyond convicted because I knew that whatever the money was for, she must have needed it because God blessed her through someone else as I stood on the sideline, NOT COOL. Delayed obedience is still disobedience. I could have been sowing into my breakthrough. But I've learned my lesson.

So when God speaks, it should be immediate reaction. God has recently placed someone on my heart. In this type of situation, I've begun to pray and ask God what exactly I'm suppose to sow and not go off of what I want to give them because it's not about me. God placed them on my heart for a reason so it would be selfish to give them what I WANT them to have especially if they are in NEED of something else.

So yea, it's all with wisdom and good intentions. It's not easy to purge your heart of selfish and impure desires but obedience is better than sacrifice. I look forward to the blessings of God but also for the blessings of others!

Audience of One

Lately, I've just been thinking...who am I living for? Why do I do what I do? Do I only do something merely so I can receive some sort of recognition or award for it? Why?

In this past week alone, God has reminded me that I need to do whatever I'm supposed to do for HIM alone! Not for any sort of recognition or glory on my part, because who am I anyway? ....right! You don't know and neither do I! lol

We all have a purpose or perhaps many purposes we are to complete within our lifetime. We have at least ONE crazy dream we hope to accomplish before we leave this Earth. I have several, but I'm only going to mention one right now. I believe I'm supposed to be a writer for SOMETHING in this world. Whether for a magazine, news station, book(s), or even a movie. My crazy childhood dream was to be an author, have all these books published everywhere, and be famous! I was a painfully shy kid, so this was like the ultimate dream for me. Getting paid for doing something that I LOVE and finally being this outgoing popular chick from my fame.

However, I'm reminded everyday that I literally can't do anything without the man upstairs! So whether or not I became famous or not, I just want to give Him back all that He's given me! I don't want to face Him in Heaven and hear about all the things I shoulda coulda did. Or that regardless of the things I did for Him, He doesn't even know me because of my own self-glory. Smh.

²² Then Jesus went through the towns and villages, teaching the people. He was on his way to Jerusalem. ²³ Someone asked him, "Lord, are only a few people going to be saved?"

   He said to them, ²⁴ "Try very hard to enter through the narrow door. I tell you, many will try to enter and will not be able to. ²⁵ The owner of the house will get up and close the door. Then you will stand outside knocking and begging. You will say, 'Sir, open the door for us.'

   "But he will answer, 'I don't know you. And I don't know where you come from.'

 ²⁶ "Then you will say, 'We ate and drank with you. You taught in our streets.'

 ²⁷ "But he will reply, 'I don't know you. And I don't know where you come from. Get away from me, all you who do evil!'

 ²⁸ "You will sob and grind your teeth when you see those who are in God's kingdom. You will see Abraham, Isaac and Jacob and all the prophets there. But you yourselves will be thrown out. ²⁹ People will come from east and west and north and south. They will take their places at the feast in God's kingdom. ³⁰ Then the last will be first. And the first will be last."---New International Reader's Version

So as of now, any sort of desire for fame on my part is now SHOT. What I do, I do for Him. From my character to my demeanor, morals, and integrity. What's done in the dark surely comes to the light, whether good or bad. God sees it all. He sees how you act when the boss isn't around and how you put some pep in your step when the boss man's looking over your shoulder. He sees your heart when you only sow (give) to others for your own selfish gain..."I know God's gonna bless me with this, if I do that." Smh. He knows WHY you really do the things you do. He knows the people that shout the hardest on Sunday mornings, but totally ignore Him throughout the week. He knows when something's genuine, so don't fake. 

I'm just realizing more and more how unimportant I really am. Don't get it confused; my confidence is fine. =) The Lord is just SO much more important than me or you. If you get out the way and come to Him sincerely, you will learn who He is. Learning daily that my main goal at the end of the day is to have pleased an audience of one...

*Classic Soul Break*

I absolutely love the soul music from the 60's & 70's! I mean, how can you not? Practically everything from today's music is sampled from that time period. I reallyyyyy want to go to an Earth, Wind, & Fire concert with my daddy. That was his fav group, and I love their music!
As well as...

• STEVIE WONDER
• MARVIN GAYE
• THE O'JAYS
• THE SPINNERS
• DIANA ROSS & THE SUPREMES
• THE EMOTIONS
• THE STYLISTICS
• THE TEMPTATIONS

...and there's just too many to name!! lol...but I love it love it LOVE it! I seriously get hype if I see a classic soul infomercial on TV lol...

I think this song is gonna be incorporated into my wedding somehow (it's been in my head for a few days)...& it always reminds me of my dad b/c he can hit that falsetto part. :-)

And this is my favorite song in the world!!!! I listen to it like every other day! haha

How can you not love some Marvin?

I think I'll leave y'all with that...for now lol....it's crazy, I'm feelin so giddy just picking out the video clips.

*Back to what you were doing*

Garden Updates...

If you all remember from awhile back, I (along with my daddy) planted a veggie garden on Mother's Day afternoon. I just wanted to keep the legacy alive, since my grandfather (who passed away Dec. 2010) faithfully maintained a garden each year.

This has been an awesome experience for me. It truly amazes me to see seeds turn into actual things. I've really enjoyed seeing the process. Now if you know my character traits from this blog, you probably may wonder how faithful am I for real to this little project aka MY FIRST GARDEN. Let's just say, I'm not ready to get a dog yet or have kids lol...I would procrastinate A LOT on watering it, and I wasn't aware of the fact that I needed to constantly pull up the grass so it wouldn't choke the plants. Whoops! haha...but I'm learning, and I don't think I did half bad...

That's an onion.

Squash

An overview of the entire garden

Squash again

My dad already picked those squash out yesterday. Now, I have the wonderful task of finding a recipe using squash. I feel silly that I planted it, and I don't even know how it tastes or what to put it in. If you have any tried and true recipes involving SQUASH let me know....or else, they will just be fried and seasoned and eaten for a snack :-)

Now just waiting on the....tomatoes, cucumbers, green and yellow peppers, and onions to spruce up!!! Can't wait! 

SN: Just heard on the news today that fruits and veggies are goin UP in price, so a garden would be pretty smart people. It's fun, even though it's old school. But if you know ANYTHING about me, you'd know I'm ALL for the old school and still wish I was born in like 1975 lol...

Short vent

May sound simple, but I just want more of God. I don't know how to explain it. Being in the presence of God is indescribable and I just want to rest there. Away from all worry and distractions and into peace and joy. I want so much more! Everytime it happens, it gets better and better. People think they KNOW me but most have no clue. Nothing can separate me at this point! I was just laying here and thinking about God and no one else is on my mind. There's no words to express when things God promised begin to take physical form and when you can feel the change inside yourself. God is like no other. I can't believe something so wonderful is available to me at a price I didn't have to pay! It's truly overwhelming sometimes and I want so much MORE! (For the third time lol) I'm sleepy but just wanted to vent about this HUGE longing that I have in my heart. I've messed around and fallen in love.