Mind Attacks

Yea so it's been awhile since I've posted anything...sorry guys!

Have you ever felt like you were going to lose your mind? Like seriously. I was sort of feeling like that pretty much all this week. I can't even explain it all; I just thought I was gonna go crazy and I was tempted to do something real stupid. For some reason, I felt lonely. I would wake up everyday feeling empty. I didn't understand why though. I've felt those feelings before, and they didn't last forever. They would usually come around when I was putting any and everything above God, but I've felt that I've been giving Him an adequate amount of my time lately so I was lost as to WHY I was feeling like this.

After talking to a couple people, I've come to the conclusion that I was and still am BEING BROKEN. I didn't know what "being broken" meant until after I decided to be serious for the Lord a couple years ago. Things are always going peachy until randomly out the blue, I got hit. It's normal to be lonely, because it's likely that it means God is desiring to spend more time with you. (*Thanks Chels*) Ain't it funny that we just came from an awesome conference in Louisiana and the next week, I begin to randomly feel like crap? Yea, it's just the devil.

On this journey to wholeness, I'm steadily learning that there's always going to be obstacles and things that the enemy will throw in my direction to get me off track. That goes for you too. Man, he was really trying to bother me this week y'all. If you know anything about me, you would know that I was never a wild child. I never got sucked into the whole partying/clubbing scene. But for some reason, I started to envy people that were doing that. I was kinda wishing I could "go out" this weekend and do something. People in the world always seem like they're just having the best time ever, and I so wanted to live on the wild side for once. I envied them so much. So I was kinda wishing I had been more worldly in my pre-Christ days lol...smh

Then, I started getting emotional and feeling weird whenever I thought about August approaching. My brother's about to leave and go off to college. Boo hoo! :'( lol...I knew he was gonna leave eventually, but it just seems so real now. I hope he remembers me, himself, and of course the Lord! lol :)

Then I started thinking about my purpose and destiny, and that led to the usual frustration. Then I thought about all the job applications and interviews I've been on recently, and how there's no new job to show for it. The devil was trying to talk me down, make me feel worthless, and discourage me from continuing to press forward in life.

This whole situation just shows me how I'm still not ready to be found; there is still much preparation to be done. True wholeness is still awaiting to be experienced. There is so much to be seen, heard, and done. If there is no one around to encourage you during hard times, sometimes you just gotta get some strength and encourage yourself.