Maturity Sneaks Up On Ya!

It's so great when you can actually SEE and FEEL yourself growing from the inside out.  Immature activities you once used to take part in seem so petty and childish now. You wonder why you were that way in the first place, but that phase was needed so that you could grow into the YOU displayed now.

This afternoon, I had the opportunity to go to the Wood Grill in Charlottesville, VA to celebrate my grandparents' bdays. All of my mom's siblings and spouses were there, as well as my dad's sister and one of my cousins. The food was buffet-style (not really my preference), but I think it was a notch above Golden Corral.

There was SO much food available; I couldn't even visit all of the stations. This was one area I recognized growth. As I said a couple postings ago, I love food. I love to eat. I don't think I'm a gluttonous person; I just like to eat food until I'm full. :) But after my first plate today, I was about ready to call it quits. Maybe get a dessert later or something. When I was younger, I didn't care how stuffed I was! This was a BUFFET, and that meant I had to eat until I literally couldn't eat anymore. I made it a point to visit EVERY food station and go up numerous times for seconds, thirds, fourths, a salad, and something sweet. But, not today! Just about 1 1/2 plates of food (including lots of seasoned veggies) and some cheesecake topped with ice cream and sprinkles. YUM! I wasn't miserable from overdoing it like I would be in the past. Thank God for maturity! It might sound silly, but some people have major problems with gluttony. A buffet or the Thanksgiving table is not the place to be if you do...jussayin! :)

Then, it was the conversation at the table. My grandma will probably never read this, but she's a GOSSIP QUEEN! lol...so a little of that was going on. Not much, but I knew the topic of my younger cousin was gonna come up sooner or later.

I have this cousin. I guess she's slowly dug herself into a hole of being labeled the "black sheep" of the family. She's a year younger than me with 1-year-old twin boys, living off the government with her boyfriend. Neither one of them have jobs. Sad situation. I remember when she had big dreams of going out of state to be a dance choreographer. She loved to dance. Now, who knows...?

Basically, at every family function, my uncle (her dad) or my grandma dish out the latest dirt on her. My other cousins and myself are then praised that we don't have kids yet, that at least we're doing something with our lives, that we're just better off than her. I think when I found out she was pregnant, I was eager to get in on the latest gossip. But now, all I wanna do is pray for her.

[REwind] Pray for her? Huh? Me? But laughing about someone else's situation makes me feel better about my own situation. I get a high knowing that their bad news is my comedic relief and entertainment.

Not anymore. Maturity kicks in once again. I had to say a silent prayer in my head, as I listened to my uncle call her stupid and vow not to give her anymore money. It was just sad to hear family talk down about her and joke about everything. She's still a daughter, niece, granddaughter, cousin, mother--family! If family doesn't build you up and encourage you, who will?? Of course, she's made mistakes. Who hasn't? Maybe I have a problem  or something...I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. I believe someone can change.

I mean, "One day in His courts did forever change my course."

SIDENOTE#1: These stories were not to demean people with gluttony issues or my cousin. Just for the purpose of sharing the findings of my day and realizing that I'm maturing! :)

SIDENOTE#2: I cleaned my entire bathroom Saturday!! Shout it from the rooftops and proclaim that Candice isn't a slob anymore! Hahaha...I still have other areas to work on, but cleaning all the nooks and crannies (minus the clutter in the drawers) helped me breathe easier and I felt accomplished. Just thought you'd like to know that I'm maturing and getting my housewife status on! Sikeeee! =D


 

Man, Who Reads This???

There are SO many of y'all who read the blog! Thank YOU much! We've been getting more and more views each day. But, there's only a few who offer comments: Simone (hey girl hey!), Keenya, Chelsea, and myself. Only 8 have answered the poll (and that's including yours truly smh).

What's up with that? I mean, I'd LOVE to hear from you! What do you think of what we write? Is it interesting, boring, funny, dull, encouraging, useless information (hope not) etc? Suggestions? I'd like to read a comment from a dude every now and then. I'd like to have someone besides me or Chelsea talking as well. Share a piece of your life with us. 

I think I'm talking to the wall sometimes. This is supposed to be a conversation. Imagine this is a discussion board in Blackboard, where you have to comment to the thread to get participation points. Except instead of points, you will be.... *drumroll* added to Candice's Christmas list!

Yep, that's right. Answer the poll to the left before the designated cut-off time and comment BELOW to let me know that you answered the poll. Then, you shall be added to Candice's Christmas list! Yay! Everyone likes free stuff, and if you don't vote and comment you won't get nada!! lol

SIDE NOTE: It's like past 2am, and I feel like I'm talking out the side of my neck with this random contest. Haha...I don't have all the details and it's not planned yet, but I know I will be in a VERY giving mood this holiday season and I want to bless my readers with a lil somethin somethin! So get in on it folks! FREE STUFF!

SIDE NOTE #2: So far, a lot of you want to hear more about health/fitness. We hear you, and we will start  to talk more about that particular topic soon. Chelsea is about to embark on a weight loss journey. Whoop Whoop! I'm excited! And me? Well, I just wanna start juicing and get some calves lol...

I'll write something more useful later lol...good nite lovely people! :-)

I Need To COOK Already!!!

I LOVE food. I LOVE to eat. I just CAN'T cook. I mean, maybe I can...I rarely try though. Lately, my mom has been getting on me to start cooking more. A part of me really wants to give it a try and experiment so I can have a few recipes under my belt. However, the other part of me is lazy and full of somewhat legitimate excuses.

From the outside looking in, cooking seems quite expensive. Especially meats. I could spend $30 on sugary/salty snacks easily in the grocery store, so buying real food seems pricey....unless you're an Extreme Couponer and have the skills to pay less than $5 for $100+ worth of groceries. We'll experiment with coupons one day soon, though. :)

So, money is a big excuse I give in regards to why I don't cook. Even though I'd spend the same amount of funds going out to eat somewhere. I guess I just don't see the value in spending money on groceries, when I don't know how the meal is going to turn out. Now, if I had my big girl job with my big girl money....hey! lol

Then, there's the temperature in the kitchen. It can get SO hot standing over that stove! I've tried cooking several times in the past and I had to stop in mid-preparation because I was getting hot flashes. Smh! lol...

With the holidays coming up, I've decided I want to participate in contributing to all the holiday gatherings. So, now is the time to practice a dish or two. Sometime next week, I'm gonna choose a recipe and go out and get the goods to make it. Stay tuned for that!

Once I finally get in the groove of things, I'd like to take a Julie and Julia approach to my non-cooking life. Have you ever seen this movie?? You gotta see it! It's pretty much about cooking, blogging, and love! :-)

Are there any other non-cookers out there who want to take this journey with me? :) And what about those that can throw down in the kitchen? I've got a few recipe books stashed under my bed somewhere, but I'd love to hear what you'll be creating for this upcoming holiday season. Comment below or shoot us an email! I wanna be a pro like you! =)

Shorts are not for winter people!

One thing I've talked alot about lately is friendships or lack thereof and I've realized something. I always talk about wanting friends that are consistent. I always had an issue with inconsistency. I looked up consistent and found this definition: Able to maintain a particular standard or repeat a particular task with minimal variation.

If this is true then consistency means never changing; always remaining the same. But as a Christian, I should always be progressing. So can I really expect my relationships with people to be "consistent"???

God gave me a different view of friendships. He caused me to relate friends to clothes. It seemed kind of juvenile and at first I didn't understand the significance and yearned for a deeper explanation. And I finally received it. Friends are like clothes in the way that some are only "worn" at certain times. Clothes are there to grace you from the temperment of whatever season you are in. But as the seasons grow colder or warmer, your surroundings change and something other than what you're currently "wearing" is needed. They may have gotten you through the summer but now they can't offer the same "covering" in the winter.

And I started to relate that to my current life. I looked at friendships that I've tried to hold on to. When people have made such a huge impact in your life, it's natural to want to continue to rely on them. But when the season is up and you're in a new season, their job has been accomplished and it's time to move on.

Have you ever tried to wear those shorts or sandals just a few weeks longer after summer. Or those boots or that sweater a little after winter. It may be your favorite outfit or whatever the reason but wearing it longer then what is advised will cause you to be uncomfortable. And that's because your "clothes" no longer FIT your surroundings. It's time to pack em up. You may come across them again or you may just have to get a whole new wardrobe but the seasons have changed.

Now of course there are some exceptions. Some friends do adapt to your season and that's usually when they're in that season as well. But the majority of your life will be a revolving door and you have to accept that. God wants to get you where He needs you and will use as many people as possible to get you there.
Seriously the friends I use to count on my hands, feet, and more, I can only count on one hand. I believe that's an indication that I'm being elevated to the next season. The last season was nowhere near easy but I pray God has seen me as faithful.

A buddy of mine called me on Sunday. He's an amazing poet and he saw a video of me doing poetry from last weekend. He called to encourage me and one thing he said that stuck with me was that God had hidden me for a season so that He could work somethings in me. And it started to make sense. When friends were dropping off and text messages and calls weren't coming in like usual. When I felt like I was always the one reaching out to people and never the opposite, God was removing people to work IN me. And the ones who understood my shift and distance are still around. The ones who got offended, well....can't be mad about it. God's will is God's will!

So yea, friends are not meant to be "consistent" per say. Some will walk in your life and then out. Some will stay around for a few seasons. Some will be there for a lifetime and those are usually the ones who support your distance, changes, etc and realize it's a move of God and not a personal blow. So what it all comes down to is do they help you with the current temperature you're currently in or is it time for a new season. I'm now embracing the winter with my scarf aka Candice Victoria hahaha & a few other garments I won't name. :-)

(If you get a chance, read Ecclesiastes 3:1-22)

Back to reality (Quick vent)

So I just got off the phone with a friend of mine. Her phone accidentally called me and we laughed about the randomness of that happening. But we took the opportunity to chat a little. Eventually the convo went to venting. (Now before any of you think I'm putting her out, I did talk to her about writing this as long as I keep specifics of what we talked about and her name to myself lol) But it was interesting.

People have always vented to me. I'm quite private and I guess that's something people can see so they figure if I don't tell MY business, I won't tell theirs. And I can say that I can agree with that. I'm very much against telling other people's business. I'll generously point you in their direction if you have questions about their lives lol I don't have a big mouth and I guess that's why people trust me with so much. Anyway...

She was just talking about her relationship. At first I'm like "why is she telling me all this???" I didn't mind being a listening ear but her level of transparency kind of caught me off guard. But one thing that dawned on me during that convo is RELATIONSHIPS ARE WORK!

Now I already knew that but the more I talk to people who are in a relationship, the more I realize that so much has to go into it. Relationships in general are hard but Christian relationships clearly are harder. I was just sitting there like MAN! This sounds like a full time job. God ordained relationships are wonderful  but it reconfirmed why wholeness is so important.

As I listened to her talk about different areas of her relationship, the good, the bad, the misunderstood and gray areas, I started thinking that maybe it was meant to educate me. Although we looked at the phone call as accidental, I really believe it was to show the realistic point of view of a relationship. Everybody wants to have butterflies and see fireworks etc. but until you realize that it takes sacrifice, patience, love, understanding, kindness, amongst many other things to have a successful relationship, you don't need to be in one! Point blank period. Clearly it's work.

Christian relationships are about growing together with God, pushing one another, encouraging each other, holding one another accountable, being honest, etc. She even began telling me the pressure of being next to a man of God with all eyes on you and making sure that as a woman, you're not left behind and vice versa. Wow. So it's not about long walks on the beach, holding hands in the park and googly eyes from across the room???? Oh! So that's why it takes preparation. It's about growth! Duh lol

So I was brought back to reality. I've been hearing about a lot of relationship stuff lately and so many times I'm like ugh! I don't wanna talk about it! lmbo I guess part of me wanted to keep my fairy tale way of thinking and although there are fairy tale moments, that's not what it's about. The whole convo I was like "What?? Why?? How?? He said what?? Huh??" I'm just learning so much! And the funny thing is the wisdom is coming to ME. I haven't once gone out with the intent of asking anyone about their relationship. I guess there are certain things I need to know. So I'll soak all these recent convos in and keep them in mind. Relationships are not fairy tales and you have to put in the effort. Gosh it's really no joke...lol

Have You Seen COURAGEOUS Yet???

There are still quite a few people that haven't heard or seen this amazing movie entitled, COURAGEOUS. It's another Christian-based film coming from the makers of FIREPROOF.  I saw this movie a couple of weeks ago with my family, and it just moved me to the point of tears several times throughout.  It is a MUST SEE for fathers and/or those who have the desire to become fathers in the future.

The movie really shed light on the absence of consistent father figures in children's lives. I came out of that movie with so many emotions, one of which was anger. I'm not a single mother or anything, but I just began to think of all the single moms out there raising kids that a man helped to create. A lot of times in this sex-crazed generation, pregnancies are unplanned among non-married couples. So, I'm sure the mother isn't thrilled that a living breathing creature will now force her to sacrifice more of herself and possibly put her dreams on hold. It makes me mad, though, that a guy can just think to himself, "I'm not ready to be a father right now," and ditch his responsibilities. He then dumps the pregnant girl, leaving her to fin for herself and provide a life for the baby he contributed to. But...IT TAKES TWO TO TANGO!

Step up men! You were man enough to lay down and reach a climax (knowing the consequences), so don't punk out when you realize your little soldiers done got the girl pregnant! Don't you realize that your absence as a consistent father in your child's life will forever affect who that child becomes? Your sons will grow up and become exactly like you, and the cycle will just go on and on. Let's put a stop to it from this day forward.


I'd like to encourage fathers who have been MIA in their children's lives from Day 1. Your presence is needed immensely. You may be saying to yourself, "I don't know how to be a father. My dad left me..." Just make an effort. Just be there for your children. Support them. Show them your mistakes, and teach them lessons you've learned along the way. Even if you're a 16 year old father to be, you have something to offer that child. You will have to make sacrifices for the sake of your child. You may have to give up hobbies or forms of entertainment in order to make sure there are plenty of diapers and formula for the little one. Your life isn't only about you anymore. (I mean, it never was but that's a different subject.)

It's TIME OUT for the single mom, her family, and the government paying for everything, while the father's over there living life without a care in the world.  By the way, how do you sleep at night?? Knowing that there's a mini-you living down the street from you, and you don't have the decency to stop by and gaze into their eyes for a moment?? Don't you ache inside when you can't embrace them daily and validate them with one of the best words of affirmation: I LOVE YOU ?

All I'm saying is real men take care of their responsibilities. They don't run. They realize their role is crucial to their children, wives, and the world.

Soooo, I went off on a tangent there. lol. But be sure to check out the movie that started it all...

It's not for the weak at heart!

Whew! I'm learning that it's not up to me to convince or prove to anyone of who I am. I think alot of times we want the confirmation and/or the acceptance from others. As I've stated in previous posts, I don't hang with a lot of people. Even less now than before and I must admit, sometimes it's not the best feeling.

I remember my phone would be going off all day. Phone calls and text messages would be cascading my phone from morning to night. Every day of every weekend I was out and about with this group or that group doing whatever, only to go to sleep, wake up, and be out again. But more recently my desires have been to stay in, read, grow, think, learn....

It's a bittersweet feeling. I got on Facebook a few minutes ago and got a little down :-/ A social networking site is wonderful to keep track of friends and family that you wouldn't necessarily have much contact with otherwise. But I started questioning why I'm still in this season of seclusion. I definitely know I'm changing for the better but I still have my moments like, what's going on???

I got a text a few days ago from someone who I talk with occassionally. She's a wonderful woman of God and definitely someone who I believe is genuine. She randomly texted me because I was on her mind and she wanted to check up. Now that may seem like a small gesture but it meant ALOT. Because in my mind on that particular day I had been fighting self-pity, wondering why I felt that so much has been required of me this past year and a half.

Solitude is a beautiful thing most days but I was feeling the absence of people who I had grown accustomed to relying on. It's always nice to get a boost of encouragement and an on-time reminder that you're thought of even when you don't feel like you are! Praise God for using Taryn all the way in Alabama to remind me that God will put me on the hearts of people when it's most needed.

PREPARATION COMES WITH A COST. And solitude is the process.

But I know that when God has called you into seclusion for whatever reason, you shouldn't question it. You just have to know it's for the best and it lines up to what He wants and needs of you. Someone recently told me that when you TRY to remain friends with someone and it's only one sided then that season is over. I hate saying it, but that statement removed so many people! And I MUST be okay with it. GOD IS GETTING ME READY FOR SOMETHING! And if I've learned anything, I've learned that discouragement often comes right before the blessing. So I don't dwell in it or even entertain it most days, but it's been in the way lately!

So I can't be DOWN with everybody and that's okay because I'm being obedient and allowing God to work in me whatever it is that He's planning to do. Whew! This process I tell you...It's not my job to prove anything to anyone. My bishop said a few days ago  that if you're going to do God's work, then you won't have alot of friends. I concur...
I will say, that although Candice and I have fun and act silly at times with Project Wifey, this journey is REAL. God must remove anything from your life that you rely on more than Him. I'm feeling the growning pains of this detox but I know purification is to follow and I will never be the same. Praise God!

Sn: The further into seclusion God takes me, the deeper my Man of God has to go to find me. It's not a journey for the weak at heart lol (Just wanted to throw that out there) Grateful that God loves me enough to "hide" me so He can mold me into the person I REALLY am.

2 Corinthians 5:16-17 (Message version) Because of this decision we don't evaluate people by what they have or how they look. We looked at the Messiah that way once and got it all wrong, as you know. We certainly don't look at him that way anymore. Now we look inside, and what we see is that anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new. The old life is gone; a new life burgeons! Look at it!

Heels, Pumps, Stilettos!!!!

Ahhhhh the trusty flats. You can wear these with jeans, dresses, skirts, pants, everything. And for the past 3 years this is mostly what I've worn. I've brought out heels a couple times but not often. I even gave away most of my heels a while ago. *Gasp* I had a pretty big collection. Reds, purples, browns, blacks, multi-colored. It might be surprising for those who haven't known me long but everywhere I went, I was going in heels, up until 3 years ago at least. Let me explain...

I was very much a conformer, meaning I did things to belong. I felt that I could FIT if I did what everyone else was doing and that included wearing heels. I LOVED high heels. They made me feel mature, classy, and lady-like but I wasn't doing it for myself; it was for everyone else. It's true that somethings different about a woman when she's wearing heels. Not only do you hear her shoes clicking your way but your attention automatically gravitates to where she is, usually to scope out those FAB shoes that she's wearing.

But in my heel wearing years, I liked the attention in a bad way. I wanted to keep up and I refused to let anyone show me up. It was a pride thing believe it or not. And to be honest, I didn't feel good about myself unless I was wearing heels. I liked walking through the mall with pumps, although my feet were screaming for some slippers. But naw, everyone else had on heels so I had to endure!

So where is this going? I gave up high heels for a while because they reminded me of a season in my life where I wanted to be IN. So I had to say BYE to the beloved heels, pumps and stilettos. May sound extreme but I'm reminded of a woman who shaved her head because her hair was a reminder of years she needed to let go of. She wanted to start over. I started to realize that if I didn't love myself in flats, then I didn't completely love myself. It's not about what you wear but how you feel. So I gave them away. I did what I needed to do for myself so I wouldn't be a people pleaser forever! But good news,

THEY'RE BACK!

These are my newest addition, simple black suede pumps. I let her siblings go for a reason BUT only for a season. Now that I'm out of that "trying to belong" phase, I can wear them for myself! Not for attention, not for trend or acceptance but for ME! People always give their opinions. "You should do this. You should do that" blah blah blah lol But I challenge you to hold off on opinions at times. You'd be surprised why I don't do certain things the same way or the way people expect me to. You never know why people CHOOSE the actions that they choose. This is why I had to give them up! They were a reminder of the lack of acceptance of myself and trying to BELONG but so many people think it's the opposite. Mind yo business! lol

I would occassionally visit the Jessica Simpson shoe collection in department stores. Or visit Baker's and Aldo admiring from afar but that's as close as I'd get. I'd rarely even talk about them. But I'm excited to recollect. And start a new season of being myself and enjoying who I am and that includes my love of BAD shoes! Not for ANYONE else, but for me! Wear those heels ladies..And wear them proudly! But make sure they don't define you!

Nigga Please!

I'm sorry, did that title offend you? Probably not, since I'm just a tad bit more old fashioned than most.

Nigga, Nigger, Niqqa, Nicca, Niggaz, Negro (not as bad)....blah blah blah. You get the point. I hear this word and its variations all the time, and I'm so tired of it. It's literally a turn-off if I hear a guy use it. Like why??

I know, I know...it means something different now.  You call your friends and your boys that.  However, I think Martin Luther King Jr. would turn over in his grave if he knew that this word was so widely used, especially by black people to black people. I mean helloooo...do the marches, sit-ins, beatings, hangings mean anything to this generation now?? People would demean our fellow ancestors with nigga and nigger and beat them senseless just because they were born having a darker shade of skin. It's such a derogatory term, and I literally cringe inside each time I hear it...The other day at work, one of my white co-workers jokingly called me nigga and I don't know why, but I just felt like slapping him lol

Chelsea, my parents, and I went up to D.C. last weekend to see the Martin Luther King memorial.  I hadn't been to D.C. since 5th grade, so I was very excited to see the sights and sounds, even if only for a couple of hours.  History was never really my strongest subject, but I always loved learning about what civil rights leaders did for our country.  I mean, think about it.  If it wasn't for these fighters answering their call, where would we be?  Still sipping water from a COLORED ONLY fountain,

dining and working in restricted places, living in fear of the KKK or other hate groups, being hosed down and/or having the dogs sent out on us, not being able to vote...

PAUSE.

Are you even registered to vote? No? I'm gonna need you to get on that ASAP. People went all out back in the day just so we could have this privilege. We take so much stuff for granted nowadays. That's why it's not a bad idea to visit museums and historical landmarks occasionally, or even read books or watch footage of time periods before you. It will help you to be more appreciative and humbled by the choices of true leaders from the past, who fought relentlessly for a better equalized world.

If you use the N-word, I wanna challenge you to remove that from your vocabulary. It's not necessary. Come up with an alternative...new words are constantly being added to the dictionary. Gain some respect for the past.

Oh, also add the MLK Memorial to your "Places To Visit" list. And be inspired to leave your own legacy.

Just Sit Back & Meditate...

Hey peeps! I know I've been away for far too long! I'll probably blog later on today...if you have a moment (which you do, since you're HERE =] ), take a listen to this Out of Eden throwback! I love it!