A Chat With Dondrae

First, tell us a little about yourself. 

1.) My name is Dondrae and I currently reside in Upper Marlboro Maryland with my bride of just about 3 years, Veronica. I am a P.G. County native who intends to do all he can with what he has. I started blogging around 3 years ago and never thought I’d find myself enjoying it so much. My current blogging address is simplydondrae.blogspot.com. The sight is currently under construction and hasn’t been updated since late September. I haven’t been blogging for a couple of good reasons though; a) I’m trying to finish up my master’s degree from Bowie State University in Organizational Development and b) I’m also working on changing the platform for Simplydondrae. Be patient. Trust me. It’ll be worth it. That’s enough about me, I guess…LOL

2.) Project Wifey was started to encourage others to seek wholeness through a relationship with Christ. What is your personal definition of wholeness? Do you feel wholeness is different for men than it is for women? If so, in that ways? 
 Encouraging others to seek wholeness through a relationship with Christ? If I had to give a definition of wholeness in my own words, I’d probably say it means to have contentment in your positioning in Christ wherever He has you. “Wherever He has you” is huge because we experience Christ is seasons; seasons of little, seasons of much, seasons of persecution, seasons of love, seasons of giving, seasons of things being stripped away, and so on and so on. I do believe wholeness is different for men than it is for women simply because of how we’re wired SO differently. Men’s purpose is to protect and provide, which is directly tied to masculinity. Which is also why we find so much security in things like homes, cars, money, etc. I believe a lot of women find wholeness is relationships and child bearing. All women have that fairytale of getting married to their prince on the white horse, having children, and living happily ever after. The truth though is our wholeness should be found SOLELY in Christ. Point Blank. Period.

3.) How do you feel a person can most productively use their season of singleness? 
 I believe a person can most productively use their season of singleness by understanding the purpose of singlehood. Many people miss the purpose of singlehood because they believe it’s all about them and getting the chance to date and “see what’s out there”. I love to refer to 1st Corinthians 7 as it pertains to how one should conduct themselves while single. If you’re single, your time should be spent serving the Lord. If you’re married, then your time should be spent serving your spouse. So the reality is, regardless of where you are; you must serve the Lord. What does that look like? I have no idea what that means specifically for you, but I do know you should be serving the Lord versus being completely engulfed in seeing what’s out on the market. As opposed to searching for Mr. or Mrs. Right, why not allow the Lord to work on creating you into Mr. or Mrs. Right?

4.) What characteristics do you think are important for a man and woman of God to possess in order to have a successful marriage? 
 Wow! I wish I could give you a perfect 3 item specific checklist for this question. Reason being, there are so many factors to be taken into consideration. I can tell you some of the ones I considered. I’ll also say there are some things I missed or didn’t give as much attention as I should have, which has caused some conflict in my marriage. And in no way am I saying the more “good characteristics” one has, the greater your marriage will be. Primarily, they must both be ministry minded because that’s what marriage is all about. Make sure the two of you share the same core (non-negotiables) values because these will be the things you build your marriage upon. Make sure they have a clear understanding of what a biblical husband/wife looks like BASED UPON scripture.

5.) What is one of the biggest lessons you’ve learned since being married? 
 The biggest lesson I’ve learned since being married is how CRUCIAL it is for the gospel to be ever-present DAILY in my marriage. There’s a cycle of sin, confession, forgiveness, grace, mercy, repentance, love and reconciliation. And it’s constantly on repeat. And it’s extremely funny how I’m the one needing to be forgiven, needing the grace and mercy. Funny in the context of you never know how truly jacked up you are until you have someone who sees every aspect of your life. MIND BLOWING!

6.) What are some “red flags” that you feel are indicators that a person isn’t ready to date or get married? 
 Some “red flags” I feel are indicator(s) that a person isn’t ready to date is when they cannot accurately assess what they a) bring to the table and b) what they desire. Not knowing these things will have them all over the place dating any and everybody. A couple “red flags” I feel are indicators that a person or a couple even aren’t ready to be married are a) they cannot stop having sex. Obviously, this is sin. In addition to that, neither of them can clearly hear the voice of God in the matter. What I’ve seen many times is the two persuade themselves into believing it’s the Will of God for them to get married. Another “red flag” would be if b) the two people are not connected spiritually. They have different spiritual bases, worship in different places, and/or have different spiritual values. The last “red flag” would be c) if the two people do not clearly understand the role as husband and wife. This will bring about chaos in the marriage most certainly.

7.) A lot of people rush into relationships and/or marriage. What advice would you give someone who hasn’t invested the time and effort to properly prepare? Why is it important? 
 Don’t do it! If you haven’t properly invested in anything, I would strongly suggest anyone to wait. This is general wisdom across the board and can apply to areas such as finances, major purchases, and other obligations. And at the end of the day, it’s just not fair to the other person to invite them into something you’re not adequately prepared for. I’d also say, surround yourself with people who will be honest enough to tell you, “you’re not ready.” If you trust them and they tell you that; they’re telling you that because they love you not because they are “hating” or don’t want to see you happy.

8.) Ephesians 5:23 talks about men of God being the head of their households. Many men lack the needed leadership skills in order to lead their families. In what ways can men of God develop and/or refine their leadership skills? 
 This is critical. First and foremost, read the word! Scripture clearly indicates what a Man of God who leads his household looks like. Two, get you some Godly counsel. Be transparent with an older/more mature believer who can examine your motives and share life with you. Third, plan…plan…plan. A man cannot plan enough for his family. Not saying that we have to plan perfectly because that’s impossible, but you want to provide some form of vision and direction for your household.


9.) Sometimes people put God on the “back burner” once they’ve entered a relationship. How can a couple who are dating/married, keep God as the center and focus of their relationship? 
 A good way to do this is to start these habits early; the courtship. Most people believe things turn on and off once they get a ring on their fingers. Begin doing devotionals together, praying, conversing through conflict, etc during the relationship/courtship phases because those will be the things you want to take with you into the marriage. You’ll also pick up some bad and good habits afterward. Constantly make observations and adjustments when necessary.

10.) Any final advice/thoughts? 
 My final advice would be to for those to embrace the process and as opposed to looking for who God has for you (ruling them in or out as to what you deem compatible); serve during your time of singlehood and allow God to form you into who He needs you to be for your relationship/marriage. Signing off.

Be sure to check out Dondrae's blog here!!!

2013 Rant #1

Cue that Sam Cooke---> "It's been a longgggggg, long time comin'....but I know a change is gonna come..."

HAPPY NEW YEAR LADIES & GENTS!

Check out my video below! 

Disclaimer: I'm smacking gum, and I tend to say "like" and "or whatever" way too many times. I didn't feel like editing...because I don't know how....and I didn't attempt to figure it out. lol...next time though!

I've missed y'all! Hit me up in the comments! =)

Looking for God's love

I prayed to God that He would show me He loved me recently. Of course I know He does, but it's always nice to be reminded. That same day I was heading to the interstate. I don't recall where I was going but right as I began to merge onto the highway, I saw a single red and orange tree. The trees surrounding it were slightly changing but still mostly green. The one closest to the road was much brighter and more vibrant than any of the others. I've never been the type to pay much attention to nature (which I've been working on) but as I passed that particular tree, I looked and said "Wow, that is so beautiful!" Maybe a minute later I felt God say, "Yup I did that just for you." How sweet! :-)

Judge Them Not

"Don't judge me, because I sin differently than you."

I've seen this quote a lot, just within the past week alone. Makes you think, right?

We all do wrong, whether in secret or out in the open. Some of us (definitely including me) are blessed that our secret sins weren't exposed for all the world to see. We are blessed that God exposed them to us, and that He granted us grace and another chance to fix what was broken.

It's truly amazing how we can see the flaws clear as day in someone else, but when the mirror is turned back on us...what then? It's crazy how we get entertained by judging, gossiping, talking about others behind their backs....whatever you want to call it. We all do it...don't act too innocent.

I had a check in my spirit earlier today, and I'm still "wow'd" over it...ashamed really.

I found out on Facebook that another young person I know is expecting a baby, and she's not married, and "oh no, there goes another one...another statistic." PAUSE.

Who do I think I am?

I was her age once...with certain feelings for the opposite sex. I did my share of sneaking around, all while still a faithful member of my church. I tested God's grace way too many times to count, all the while thinking that I could just ask for forgiveness each time and continue doing wrong things contrary to His word.

The only difference between me and her was that I didn't get caught. That's probably a lot of our testimonies, if we would be honest with ourselves.

I say all this to say....


Remember we all have flaws, and not all of our flaws are the same (or even similar). Instead of looking someone up and down in judgement by the flaws we see on them outwardly, we should take the time to pray for them more than we talk about them. I mean, who made you God? That's clearly His job.

The Ship

Most people have seen the movie Titanic. If not, it's a movie about a huge ship that ends up causing the death of thousands of people after it hits an iceberg and sinks.

This is something that God showed me.

The Titanic was flowing smoothly at first. There didn't seem to be any issues or problems; things seemed to be going as planned. The problem appeared when the captain realized that the path the Titanic was on, would lead them all to destruction. They knew they were responsible for everyone on board. So as a result, they attempted to turn the ship and go a different path to avoid the things that were ahead.

They did everything they could to turn the ship. The ship slowed down. And even though the iceberg was still in the distance, because the ship was so big, it took a long time for it to turn. Mainly because of it's size but also because it was accustomed to going with the current.

I woke up this morning thinking about the Titanic. And this came to mind. We all were once on a path headed towards destruction. We were going along with the current until we got a glimpse of where we were headed. We went to God and asked Him to turn us around. This is my main point. Sometimes when we go to God and we do all that we feel like we can do to cause the change we need in our lives, things still seem to slow down. We feel like we're not moving. Our situation isn't turning around.

I want to encourage you not to give up on going with God's system. It may seem like nothing is happening. But just like the Titanic, it will sometimes take time for things to turn around. All the water has to be moved to make room for your turnaround. And we know, it takes more effort and time to go against the current than it does to flow with the waves. God is setting you up for a complete 180. The bigger your "ship" the longer it may take. But just know, things ARE turning.

And you won't have to worry about sinking. We have the power to rebuke the waves and even the icebergs that we see in the distance. We are no longer on the world's system which will tell us, that because the iceberg is close, we're all going to die. Not so. We are now on God's system. In Proverbs 6:2 it says, "you have been trapped by what you said, ensnared by the words of your mouth." YOU control whether you will be ensnared by the words of the world's system or by the words of God's system. I choose God!

So in the meantime, we must speak LIFE until we see the change. I WILL NOT be broke. I WILL NOT be sick. I WILL NOT give up. I AM prosperous. I AM healed. I AM strong. There are things going on that you can't see and you may not even feel yet. Be encouraged and remain patient. Just know, THE SHIP IS TURNING.

I knew I was going to marry him

One thing I've learned over my 24 years of living is that sometimes while you're IN your current situation, you don't recognize the severity of your situation. Sometimes it takes taking yourself out of that situation for just a moment and asking yourself, "If this wasn't my current circumstance but the circumstance of someone I love, what would it look like to me?"

There are so many things that can blind us of our situations. In reference to relationships, there are reasons why God desires us to save sex until marriage. Not only does He want us to live purely but God knows of the bonds that are created when people engage in sex before marriage. Sex is a representation of "forever" which is why people use the phrase "soul tie." A soul tie will blind you and keep you from walking away from circumstances that are no good for you. And there's also the "yo yo effect" when a soul tie keeps a person going back to a someone who you were never meant to be with in the beginning.

It doesn't always take sex to create a soul tie. I'm sure the majority of people at some point in their lives have allowed their minds to entertain a thought. That thought turned into a paragraph which then turned into a story which then turned into a novel all while reality had yet to even take one step.

I remember when I was in middle school. I'm ashamed to say it but I was a HUGE B2K fan. My friends, cousins, and I would always go to their concerts. We met them a couple of times and it just seemed like the best times of our lives. I was specifically "in love" with Omarion. I knew I was going to marry him. I spent so much time daydreaming about how things would be WHEN we got married, WHEN we had kids, etc. I was completely convinced that we were meant for one another. Clearly, that was crazy. But in my 12 year old mind, I had idolized this person to the point that I thought I KNEW  all about him when I didn't even know him. Needless to say, when he kissed Jennifer Freeman in the "Girlfriends" video, I was heartbroken. (But that's a different post lol)

But that's the exact thing that some people do today as adults. They can't let someone go, whose obviously a red flag because they've allowed their mind to connect the happiness of their future with a person of their present, who God intended to be in their past. I can respect blindness. We've all been blind at some point in our lives. But there also comes a point where we have to see ourselves as the kings and queens that we are.

My challenge to you, no matter how you feel about your current situation, relationship, job, etc,. is to step back a moment and ask yourself, "If this was my sister's, brother's, daughter's, son's, mother's or father's circumstance, how would it look to me? What would I tell them? Would I believe God had better for them? Would I think they were in a mode of compromise?" If you'd be happy for them, praise God for His faithfulness in your life. But if there's anything inside of you that makes you doubt that your current situation would be attractive attached to someone you love, then pray that God will fully open your eyes.

If he doesn't treat you the way you would want your daughter to be treated or if she doesn't treat you the way you would want your son to be treated, you are undervaluing yourself. As I said in a previous post, everyone has potential and the ability to change. But when your happiness is a gamble depended on their "change" you may be setting yourself up to lose.

Your Excuses Are Unexcused Now

We make too many excuses.

Maybe not everyone, but a lot of us do.

Always trying to justify our shortcomings by using the age old phrase: This is just me. This is how I am.

But after awhile, don't YOU get tired of hearing those monotonous thoughts running through your head? Don't YOU ever get to the point where you desire change, where you really want to move forward...past all the excuses holding you back?

This post was actually inspired from getting yelled at by my parents...lol

It's kind of sad, but if you've been following the blog since the early days, I wrote a post on my cleaning habits. Still struggling with that today (shows I haven't changed as much as I'd like). But anyway, I wrote on that previous blog that I hate folding clothes! I don't mind washing and drying everything, but afterwards I just don't wanna mess with them. So, I have a habit of keeping the pile of clean clothes on my bed, and I sometimes just sort through what I want to wear from there...unless it's hanging in my closet.

Then, sometimes (unintentionally) I leave my shoes and miscellaneous papers lying on the floor. I get caught in the daily rush and routine of life that my room and bathroom can just look so horrible, looking crazy that only one person is living in this certain section of the house.

So, of course I constantly get yelled at as to why I can't keep my room clean...why I can't pick up after myself. In the most recent occurrence of scoldings, I attempted to explain to my mom that I just hate folding clothes...that it's just hard for me. That it's just a bad habit. I try to keep my room clean, but once I wash clothes and/or I'm rushing in the mornings getting ready for work or school.....it's over. 

Usually, I'm threatened with "eviction" notices by my parents, claiming that if I don't get my act together, I'll have to find somewhere else to live. Those are always empty words, though...lol...Maybe if they did that for real, I'd be forced to grow up. 

But this time, my mom said some things that stuck out to me. Something along the lines of...stop making excuses of why you act a certain way, learn to change your habits, etc. 

I knew she was right. This had been going on far too long.

And then randomly...when I was getting ready to fall asleep last night, I kept kicking something on the bed. I was annoyed that there was so much stuff on the bed, that it was now on my main sleeping side. Then, a thought popped in my head. This won't work when you're married, because where's he going to sleep? It kinda made me laugh, but it was true. I must tackle these seemingly simple tasks now, because that definitely wouldn't fly in marriage. But....that's another blog, another day.

Maybe you have some things in your life that you're letting yourself slide by with.  Your worst enemy lies within yourself, since you are in control of all your choices (good or bad). Don't hold back from doing what needs to be done today. Going around in constant circles around the same issues isn't doing anyone any good. Someone is waiting on you to GET IT TOGETHER! You have something, small or big, to offer the world. Don't hold your own self back from a better life!

What You Should Be Listening To....

Hey everyone!

I hope you guys are doing great! Sorry for being MIA for months...got a lot going on these days. I just had to share some new (to me) music with you. You have to check this guy out---Christon Gray--and be sure to get his album Even With Evil With Me on Amazon or iTunes.

My brother just told me about him last week, and I think I know every song by heart already! lol...it's just been in heavy rotation, whenever possible. Such a feel good, jazzy, inspirational mix of songs. This is one of my favs...

Are you mature enough?

This is a short snippet by ProphetessTera Carissa. She's AMAZING. I'm in her mentorship program and she always has a Word for me whether directly or indirectly. She definitely is passionate about the Word and she'll start preaching like this any given moment whether on a podium or on the phone. She just says it like it is

I've always hated the saying "train your man." That implies that he's an animal. The truth of the matter is, God is not going to send you someone who needs to be "trained." Are you mature enough to identify your spouse?

Turn by turn

What up peeps?!

I pray you all are doing well. If you read my post on obedience, you know that God placed it on my heart to go out of town for whatever reason. I didn't plan anything. I just played it by ear. I stayed with my cousin who happens to live 5 mins from everything.  I got invited to an event at a church that was in that area so I decided to go by myself. I didn't know anyone really. I had never been there and that was WAY out of my comfort zone. But I remember thinking "Why not?" And I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO glad I did.

Last night after leaving the "Ladies only" night, I cried all the way back to my cousin's house lol The message reminded me of God's desire for ME. I have to go more in depth on it later but the things I heard this week all lined up to the things I had been praying to God about. I would've definitely regretted staying in Va.

I met some really cool people. A couple of people agreed to let me feature them on the blog. I'm excited about that because I know they will have a lot to say especially based off of all that was poured into me this week. I took a great deal of notes and will be sharing them with you very soon.

I said in my previous post that maybe this trip will lead me to find more of God, more of myself, or both. I definitely found more of both. One thing that was confirmed to me is that FEAR will keep you in your comfortable place, physically and spiritually. There's a misconception or what I like to call a straight up lie, that danger lurks in places you aren't familiar with. God will not take you anywhere that His grace won't protect you.

Honestly I got lost every single day. But thank God I had a GPS. Going to a place I knew nothing about made me fully rely on my GPS. I gave all my attention to the directions coming out of that speaker. I still got lost at times but even then, my GPS said "recalculating." And before I knew it I was back on track.

While heading back to my cousin's house one night, I received confirmation and reassurance. I felt the holy spirit say, "I'm your GPS. You will go on paths you know nothing about. I will take you to places you aren't familiar with. But if you fully rely on me, I will get you to your destination. Even if you take a wrong turn, I will recalculate your journey and get you right back on track."

When you already know you're own way, you will never fully rely on your GPS (God). You have to go places you've never gone or do things you've never done to understand how God will give us turn by turn instructions and lead us to our destinations.

Man, I'm so happy I went.  So glad fear of being in an unfamiliar area with unfamiliar people didn't keep me from going.  I hope you guys keep that in mind the next time God places it on your heart to do something you're not fully comfortable with doing. Don't let fear tell you to "Stay put." FEAR will say that the unfamiliar equals danger. But I know from experience that the unfamiliar equals growth and maturity. #Nofear

Praise God for my GPS! I'm soooooo glad I went! I've learned a lot this week about my strengths AND my weaknesses.  I told my roommate I was feeling led to take a little vaca and she was like "Do it!" Either she was trying to get me out of the house lol or she knew it was a good idea. I'll go with the latter. Stay tuned for details! :-)

And in case you didn't know, I'm sooooooo happy I went! lol Until next time..