I knew I was going to marry him

One thing I've learned over my 24 years of living is that sometimes while you're IN your current situation, you don't recognize the severity of your situation. Sometimes it takes taking yourself out of that situation for just a moment and asking yourself, "If this wasn't my current circumstance but the circumstance of someone I love, what would it look like to me?"

There are so many things that can blind us of our situations. In reference to relationships, there are reasons why God desires us to save sex until marriage. Not only does He want us to live purely but God knows of the bonds that are created when people engage in sex before marriage. Sex is a representation of "forever" which is why people use the phrase "soul tie." A soul tie will blind you and keep you from walking away from circumstances that are no good for you. And there's also the "yo yo effect" when a soul tie keeps a person going back to a someone who you were never meant to be with in the beginning.

It doesn't always take sex to create a soul tie. I'm sure the majority of people at some point in their lives have allowed their minds to entertain a thought. That thought turned into a paragraph which then turned into a story which then turned into a novel all while reality had yet to even take one step.

I remember when I was in middle school. I'm ashamed to say it but I was a HUGE B2K fan. My friends, cousins, and I would always go to their concerts. We met them a couple of times and it just seemed like the best times of our lives. I was specifically "in love" with Omarion. I knew I was going to marry him. I spent so much time daydreaming about how things would be WHEN we got married, WHEN we had kids, etc. I was completely convinced that we were meant for one another. Clearly, that was crazy. But in my 12 year old mind, I had idolized this person to the point that I thought I KNEW  all about him when I didn't even know him. Needless to say, when he kissed Jennifer Freeman in the "Girlfriends" video, I was heartbroken. (But that's a different post lol)

But that's the exact thing that some people do today as adults. They can't let someone go, whose obviously a red flag because they've allowed their mind to connect the happiness of their future with a person of their present, who God intended to be in their past. I can respect blindness. We've all been blind at some point in our lives. But there also comes a point where we have to see ourselves as the kings and queens that we are.

My challenge to you, no matter how you feel about your current situation, relationship, job, etc,. is to step back a moment and ask yourself, "If this was my sister's, brother's, daughter's, son's, mother's or father's circumstance, how would it look to me? What would I tell them? Would I believe God had better for them? Would I think they were in a mode of compromise?" If you'd be happy for them, praise God for His faithfulness in your life. But if there's anything inside of you that makes you doubt that your current situation would be attractive attached to someone you love, then pray that God will fully open your eyes.

If he doesn't treat you the way you would want your daughter to be treated or if she doesn't treat you the way you would want your son to be treated, you are undervaluing yourself. As I said in a previous post, everyone has potential and the ability to change. But when your happiness is a gamble depended on their "change" you may be setting yourself up to lose.

Red Flags Part 2

I realized that there are so many RED FLAGS so I figured I'd break them up and write a Part 2 for Christian dating. Hopefully my big bro will finally contribute "Red Flags:The Male Edition" that I've been requesting for WEEKS! (Won't say any names *cough cough* Ty Francis) He'll get to it soon hopefully. We were talking about RED FLAGS this morning before church started and it inspired me to write these tonight.

Here's Part 2!

•  Everyone knows that first impressions are important. Most people put their best foot forward at the beginning especially the "first date." If he's not even at his best on the first date (picking up the check, opening the door, dressing/looking nice) then how will he act when he's comfortable?? RED FLAG

•  If he NEVER takes the initiative when going places and the question is always "What do you wanna do?" RED FLAG Of course he should do something you'd enjoy but if he doesn't know what you like he should ask your friends/fam about possible ideas. Gotta be an initiator and take some decisions off YOUR hands!

• What is his financial status? Not saying he has to be making 6 figures but how does he handle what he does make? If he has zero financial goals AND no financial plan, RED FLAG

• If he exhibits feminine qualities (a little twist in his step, a weak wrist, rolling his eyes, smacking his mouth etc.) Enough said, RED FLAG lol Just run

• If he can't remember what he read and what he learned during his quiet time and it's a consistent occurrence, then why is he even reading the Bible? RED FLAG

• Not all women prefer the same speed of a relationship but if the guy is moving faster than you would like, "Day 1:You're the greatest girl I've ever met. Day 2: I love you. Day 3: You're my wife. etc." RED FLAG

• Does he keep his word? Do not date someone who has an issue keeping commitments! RED FLAG

• Evaluating who a person surrounds themselves with is a good indicator of how they're being influenced. If his friends are promiscuous drug dealers, then that's not a good sign RED FLAG

• How does he act in tempting situations? If you happen to find yourselves alone and temptation arises does he get up and run while yelling behind him that he'll call you tomorrow (Thumbs up!) Or allow his flesh to take over? Chances are if he can't resist temptation (Control his flesh) while you're dating, what would he do if you all are married and he's tempted at work or other places outside of your home by someone who isn't you? RED FLAG

• How do kids react to him? Kids always run up to me and grab my leg like they know me. I love it because I've heard they recognize good people. However, if kids run screaming in the opposite direction then that's a RED FLAG.

• Is he flirtatious? The last thing you need is someone who flirts with every girl they see. A man of God won't disrespect you that way. RED FLAG

•  How does he handle conflict? Nothings worse than a man who has temper tantrums when things don't go his way. If he retreats to childlike behavior instead of mature conversations to find a resolution RED FLAG

• Is he more concerned about what you eat than what he eats?  He orders you a salad while he eats ribs. Not cool. RED FLAG

• Does he keep the relationship alive? (Creative outings, activities, gifts that aren't necessarily expensive but thoughtful) If not, imagine how dull your relationship could be down the road. Gotta be creative, if not RED FLAG

• Is he open to your opinions? (I didn't like that shirt. You need a fresh hair cut.I don't think that's a good idea.) Or does he struggle with a spirit of offense? If you can't be honest with him then you can't have a real relationship RED FLAG

 I'm sleepy lol So that'll have to do tonight but I'll be back!! Guard your hearts ladies!

RED FLAG

Hopefully you guys read "A Chat with Lorenzo." If not, be sure to check that out here!  One of the questions I asked him had to do with red flags. What are some red flags that Christian ladies should look out for when it comes to being pursued by a male with hidden intentions? I wanted to piggy back off of some of the things that Lorenzo said.


I'm going to be pretty transparent for a moment. I recently got a Facebook message from someone that was very inappropriate. I was pretty shocked considering I use my Facebook page as an opportunity to encourage and minister to people. I have God, Jesus and scriptures all up and down my page. So to get a message that was pretty suggestive was surprising but whatever. It happens I guess. But it encouraged me to write about these RED FLAGS.

• Sex is not a nonchalant topic. If a guy is a man of God, he shouldn't be saying anything that would tempt you or suggest sexual motives. "What are you wearing sexy?" "Send me a sexy  picture." "I love your lips and your hips." lol RED FLAG
• If he doesn't mention God or his relationship with Jesus, not cool. I actually was having a conversation with a guy once and I was talking about the Lord, etc and somehow he kept trying to shift the conversation. If you can't talk about God, then you can't talk to me. RED FLAG
• When does he contact you? Ladies, have you ever met a guy who never texts/calls you before 11pm? What kind of conversation are you expecting me to have that late? An inappropriate one obviously. A man of God will contact you at a decent hour. RED FLAG
• Oh I hate this one. "Oh you're waiting until marriage? That's cool. What's the most you've done?" Boy bye! RED FLAG
•  I read the Bible daily. I have quite a few favorite verses. I know I'm not the only one who has come across this guy. "My favorite Bible verse is John 3:16. I can't think of any other ones right now". SMH RED FLAG
• How does he treat his mother/sisters. A man who doesn't respect the women in his life will not respect you. If he disrespects and talks against his mother and/or sisters RED FLAG
• If he only wants to hang out at night, alone, in a secluded place like someone's house, RED FLAG. Men of God do not put themselves in tempting situations. All that secluded late night stuff leads to "Can I take a nap? (At midnight) No ladies. Not acceptable!
• Is he plugged in at his ministry? I definitely think it's very important to be involved at their church. Of course it's great to go to service but are they helping to push the vision? If they're not serving God in some way RED FLAG
•  "I don't want to meet your family, friends, and pastor yet." And this goes on for quite some time. What are you hiding? RED FLAG
• Are they consistent church goers? A few years ago I asked this guy once if he goes to church and he said yes he did. He asked me how often do I go and I said every week. His response was "Daaaang you go like that????" My God smh RED FLAG
• Does he make you better? God gave me this a few months ago. "Don't add a person to your life that subtracts from your progress." Nothing more beautiful than two people God brought together who are riding God's wave together. However, the opposite can be tragic. RED FLAG
• Are they at all concerned about your relationship with Jesus? I think the most beautiful thing is a person who will step back and adjust if they realize they are hindering your walk. Are they willing to step aside or do they continue pursuing selfishly with no regard to your relationship with the Lord. RED FLAG
• Do their priorities line up to yours? Matthew 6:33 says to seek first the Kingdom of God. I refuse to follow a man who puts everything above God. You should only trust a man who fully trusts in God. If not RED FLAG
• Does he make the extra effort to open the door? Remember, your daughter will grow up desiring a man like her father and your sons will learn to be a man from their father. Chivalry is IMPORTANT. I love the men at my church. Every time a woman walks down steps or walks towards the door, you better believe a man is on their way to assist them. If a man never makes an effort RED FLAG

I just realized I need to do a RED FLAGS series lol There are so many I can say and I don't think I've even come close to touching on all of them. Proverbs 4:23 says "Guard your heart with all diligence because out of it flows the issues of life." If you guard your heart properly and refuse to release it until God gives "the okay," you will pick up on these red flags. Otherwise you risk looking over them due to your emotions.

So keep your heart pure from confusion and truly hide yourself in God. The wrong guys won't stand a chance at getting past our loving Father, because God truly loves His daughters and desires the best for us. But I'm excited about that ONE who will get the approval :-) Ladies remember that you are THE prize!

 To get even more insight on men of God, check out this Reader's Favorite, Click Here Happy reading!