Why wholeness is important

I'm not a relationship counselor but I'm led to share this...

A while back I wrote a list of the things that are negotiable and the things that aren't. Every so often I take the list out and make tweaks and adjustments based on newer revelations and greater wisdom. One of the main things I realized is if you don't know what you want, then there's no need to expect it yet. I read a book a while back entitled, "Before you do." It had a very extensive list of questions that everyone should ask their potential interest.

I read that probably about three years ago and while going through the questions, I remembered many of them I couldn't answer myself. So that made me realize the importance of being whole before entering a relationship. Otherwise, you open yourself up to be manipulated and taken advantage of. A lot of people who end up with low self-esteem allowed a person to tell them who they were and then they actually believed it. If you wait until you're whole to let someone in, you already know who you are and won't be persuaded to think otherwise.

TO THE LEFT, TO THE LEFT

That may seem harsh but in reality, when you're a whole person and know who you are, that's not too hard to say when you come across a person that just isn't quite up to par. That's where your list comes in handy. If you already have made up in your mind what you refuse to settle for, if someone doesn't meet the standard then you have no problem letting them know they are not for you. For example, let's say you definitely want children and that is on your list of non-negotiables. But IN walks this incredibly handsome, educated man of God that seems to have it all together. After "the talk" he says he doesn't want any kids. Now someone who does not have a firm foundation will say, "Hmm, I know he doesn't want children but he is ALMOST to good to be true. Maybe he'll change his mind. He's interested so I better go for it." Now someone who has a firm foundation will say, "He's handsome and educated but he just does not meet the standard. To the left, to the left." That's a woman who knows what she wants and refuses to settle.

My bishop has said in the past that you shouldn't look at where a person currently is but you should look at their potential. Now I definitely agree with that but one thing that's also important is that the person also knows their own potential. Otherwise you're in the mode of "transformer," meaning the "I can change them" mindset. NEGATIVE! Most people will aim as far as they can see. If they can't seem themselves higher or further then they won't strive for it. If ambitious is on your list of non-negotiables then a person with a tainted self image or lack of drive may need more time to work on themselves.

Now certain things, I feel might be a stretch. You shouldn't be expecting the perfect person, otherwise you'll be disappointed. But I feel that God will reveal certain characteristics that will help you know when "the one" has appeared. But you should also have discernment and know enough about yourself to know when "the one" hasn't. Patience is key to getting what you really desire. The enemy doesn't want an ordained union so many times he'll send distractions. Some that look and act like "the promise" and some that don't. But patience is one of the things that separate the wolves from the sheep. A wolf can only stay in sheep's' clothing for so long before their "wolfy" characteristics surface. So how mature is your discernment?

"A woman's heart should be so hidden in God that a man should have to seek Him in order to find it."

That's one of my favorite quotes. My mom always told me it's important for a young lady to have tunnel vision, meaning that you're so focused on God that when someone does appear, you're in a mindset of "OK so who sent you?" Not in a rude or negative way but in a "I'm focused and don't want my time wasted so if you are who you say you are, show me before I let you in" kind of way. The closer Ive gotten to focus, the more I understand it. The more I understand it, the more I realize the importance of knowing who you are in Christ FIRST. Opportunities will present themselves but when you have a solid relationship with God, you know when someone is helping that relationship or when they're hindering it. An addition should make life better. Don't add a person that subtracts your progress.

It seems like a lot but in reality, God has asked for our hearts, males and females. Not just part of our hearts but the whole thing. When God knows we have trusted Him with every part of ourselves, he knows He can bless us with "the one" and we won't forget our FIRST love. We'll know who we are and won't believe anyone but God. Don't settle for whose available just because they're available or settle for someone who doesn't have the characteristics on your non negotiable list. But recognize when you're still in the molding phase, when you and God are secluded in your own private place. When distractions have no chance and your heart aches with love for Jesus alone. THAT'S where He wants us. So that when "the one" does appear, it may not be perfect but it'll be a solid relationship of THREE, a non destroyable foundation.