So Many Problems, Man

Yea, I've been slacking on this blog already. Smh....but that's a major issue in my life--SLACKING!  I feel like I've done it all my life.  When I started college, that's when it hit the hardest.  All of a sudden it was OK to skip classes and do a half-way job on homework and assignments.  One time, I purposely missed a test because I was running about 10 min late to class and didn't want to walk in late in front of my hundreds of peers.  Yea, not cool.


I drop at least one class a semester, and it's always after the cut-off date where you can get refunded.  I've wasted so much money on classes; I can't stand thinking about how much I will owe when I finally graduate (if I do).  My career aspirations have switched from becoming a pediatrician to dentist to orthodontist to elementary school teacher, to some job an Associate's in Business Admin can fulfill, and now the winner is Journalism.  For now.


I'm so flip-floppish, all over the place.  My life is a pure mess.  Yes, pure.


I have two credit cards, which I'm struggling to pay the minimum payments on.  I'm working two jobs, and I think I'm over both of them.  *However, I am very thankful that I have not just one job but TWO.* The interior of my car, room, and bathroom are just disgusting.  Just trashy.


My time management is horrible.  I'm late to EVERYTHING! Church, work, school, social events.  I try to be better, but I don't know how.


I stay up til around 2am nearly every night, not partying or out & about around town....just awake.


I'm the Queen of Procrastination, so that affects nearly every other area in my life from progressing.  It's pretty sad when I think about everything I've procrastinated on in life.  I should be farther in life than I am right now.  This May, I should be on the verge of graduating from college with a Bachelor's in something.  But noooo, I just had to be a "confused with life" and "I don't know who or what I'm supposed to be or do" slacker.


Yea, I'm upset with myself.  I often go to bed unsatisfied with what I haven't accomplished, and I awake sometimes with that same unsatisfaction mixed in with the hope that the day will be different.  I feel like I watch the weeks go by, working part-time jobs day in and out and going to school...for what?  When does the "more to life" phase step in?


Excuse the rant...just how I was feeling.  And these words are only a minute representation of what's going on in my head right now.  I'm so mad at myself for so many things.  I would probably be lying if I said I actually loved ME and that I was so confident in myself.  Negative.  I have a lot of work to do to get to that level.  I'm in an Identity Crisis yet again and I feel like I'm on my way to be "broken" once more....