Do I really want kids?

I'm sure most people have contemplated the thought of having children. I was never on the fence about it. Even as a kid, I was convinced I wanted a house full of kids. But the older I get, the more I realize what it really takes to be a parent. I have the most adorable nieces and nephews. I just love them. It's nothing like going to my sis' house and walking in and they yell, "Che Che!!!" (Their lil nickname for me.) But they are a handful.

My sister and her husband have a blended family. All together they have six, yes SIX. One is 4 months, one is 3 and the others are 5,6, and two are 7. Yea crazy. I usually visit them once or twice and week and at any given visit, you may find me laid out across someone's bed getting in a power nap cause they can be pretty exhausting.

I'll never forget, a few weeks after my sister had the littlest one, baby Ashlee, she left me at her place with her and the 3 year old JoJo, while she ran errands. I went in the room for 2 minutes to change the baby's diaper and then I heard the microwave close in the kitchen. JoJo walks in the room and said, "CheChe I'm cooking." I run in the kitchen thinking he's warming up his toy in the microwave or something but thank God nothing was in there lol I have so much respect for them to be able to parent their own little brady bunch and remain sane.

I've always loved kids and kids love me too. Sometimes random kids will run up to me and hug my leg or something and I just think it's the cutest thing. Little kids are very cute. But when I would think about my own kids, I often envision all my children coming home with their families for Christmas and Thanksgiving and not necessarily the YEARS that lead up to that portion of life.

Raising kids require two very important things  patience and selflessness. And I definitely believe it's on a whole different level than relationships and marriage. Children require alot and the younger they are, the more impatient they are. Kids don't really take into consideration your schedule, what you're in need of, how you're feeling, etc., they want what they want when they want it.

And like I said, I love them but they can pluck a nerve sometimes (lol) but the good thing about being an auntie is I can leave and go home to peace and quiet when the atmosphere gets a little hectic and crazy. When they're yours, they're YOURS. I've been wrestling with this nasty head cold for about four days now. As of right now I'm only in school so I don't have to worry about calling out of work and I can focus on resting up. But I started imagining if I had children. Parenting wouldn't stop if I got sick or wasn't feeling well. I can't imagine feeling the way I'm feeling right now and having my nieces and nephews over..OMG..

So I do find myself questioning "Do I really want kids?" And honestly I don't really know the answer right now. But thank God I have plenty of time to think about it. I used to say I wanted to be married by 23 and have my first child by 25. (Clearly I was a teenager or younger then.) I guess we will see what happens in due time! :-)