Why the rush?

So I'm up reading a book smh yes at like 4:30 am. Ever heard of "Boy Meets Girl???" It's a really good book and has a biblical view of relationships. It's by Joshua Harris who also wrote "I Kissed Dating Goodbye." So I've been reading this for a few days now and there's alot of imformation that gives great insight and understanding. I'm currently on Chapter 3 which is about PATIENCE and also WISDOM. This is a quote from the book:

"Instead of savoring the "courses" of an unfolding love story-acquaintance,friendship,courtship,engagement,marriage-the impatient couples mash the sequence together. Before they've build a friendship, they start playing at love. Before they've even thought about commitment, they're acting as though they own each other."

I've always said it's important for me to have a true friendship with someone before ever going further. And if you truly think of friendships, you realize that you don't automatically open up your innermost thoughts and feelings as soon as you meet someone. You don't instantly tell all your secrets and trust the person fully. (At least I don't.) Before I become FRIENDS with someone, I get to know their character and personality and then it gradually moves to friendship.

Of course, this is my opinion and others may think differently but if friendship is really a priority and part of a foundation in a relationship, then PATIENCE is important. Diving in head first can have consequences. This is another excerpt:

"Patience is important not only in waiting for the right time to start a relationship, but also in allowing it to unfold at a healthy pace. Impatience rushes everything. It urges us to skip the time and attention a healthy friendship requires and to jump right into emotional and physical intimacy."

I am so glad I don't feel so weird about this anymore because that's exactly how I feel lol Impatience can be a dangerous and distracting thing. Proverbs 19:11 says, "A man's wisdom gives him patience." I saw a dvd series about a year ago from a pastor. I can't remember the name of it but it was about Christian dating and had alot of information. One of the things he said was that everything should get put out on the table on the first date. At the time it made sense. Like, no need to waste time if we don't line up to what we desire in a relationship. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that doing that implied that there was no pursuit of a genuine friendship. Just strictly headed directly to a romantic relationship.

I consider Candice my friend. Everyday I learn more and more about her; her strengths and her weaknesses. But at this point, we've already established a friendship. Regardless of the fact that there are certain things we may not agree on, we've gradually grown to become friends over time. I think that's the normal course of friendship so I wonder why some people don't look at friendship with the opposite sex in the same way. It's so "Rush rush rush rush rush!"

 Do you ever stop to think about your friendships? Most people have had more successful friendships with the opposite sex than relationships with them. Possibly because there's a level of knowledge and understanding about one another that isn't fabricated to impress the other person. It's genuine and real and usually isn't rushed but developed gradually.

Once two people of the opposite sex have established a friendship, they learn more and more about their compatibility as far as a romantic relationship goes. If during that time they realize they're better as friends, they can remain friends. Although there may be a little disappointment, there's no broken promises and their hearts have remained guarded. This is one thought I've had, "What if I put everything out on the table at the very beginning with every person I've ever been friends with or interested in???" Let's be real. Sometimes we do get it wrong and befriend or date the wrong people which is okay but there would be a whole bunch of people who I don't even talk to anymore walking around knowing all my business lol funny but true.

I haven't even read the whole Chapter yet but it's really beneficial to me so far because I've been looking for this type of confirmation because I've always been a "snail" in this area. It's good to know that Joshua Harris feels the same way as me lol Like I said, everyone's different but because I know that sometimes "feelings" can get in the way and cause us to give assignments to people in our lives they don't belong to, pacing ourselves is the best way to stay away from emotional ties. There's little room for second guesses and/or mistakes. Once a friendship is established and God gives the "Go" to pursue a relationship, the foundation has been set. And if it doesn't work out, (like it sometimes doesn't) "let's just be friends" is actually possible since that's where it began.

Whether if you're in a friendship, relationship, or engagement, being CONTENT where you are is good evidence of whether wisdom and patience are being used in a relationship of any kind. It shows a trust for God and submission under Him, His will and the season He has you in. Relationships are like running a LONG race, if you start off sprinting, you'll be tired WAY before the finish line. Even if it seems like everyone is starting off fast, endurance is what's important.  Pace yourself! Build a friendship first. It'll be worth it. Because whose better to spend your life with than your best friend? ;-)