Alone and Sometimes...Lonely

Ever felt alone in a room full of people?  Ever felt alone even in your own household? What about that feeling of being the "odd man out?" I know I have---too many times. I've been classified as: quiet, shy, weird, stuck up, anti, etc. by people who really don't know me. I guess the image I project would prove all those accusations to be true. But the truth is...

I am a pretty quiet person, UNTIL I know you well enough to be vulnerable. I'm definitely NOT stuck up.  I'm just a girl that would like to be genuinely included in something and/or others' lives.  I don't want to be tolerated or only recognized out of a feeling of obligation. I know I can be a great friend to many but sadly, I haven't been so bold to create the friendships I desire throughout my life.

I had the best group friendship encounters from 2009-2010. I just felt so great, like wow! So, this is what having friends feels like. That sounded dorky and almost as if I was a loner before 2009. I wasn't really a loner, but I often felt left out because I had been judged as the "weird, quiet girl" for most of my life. I had a few friends and acquaintances here and there, but never such a closeness as I found with the ladies I befriended in the summer of '09. 

It's funny how a year changed that whole scene. I learned last year that people really do come in and out of your life for seasons and reasons. I was left with one consistent true friend from that bunch, Chels. I feel blessed that I have at least one friend in the world PLUS my family, because being alone and lonely sucks. I still wish I had a nice group of at least 2 more close girlfriends. (Sorry, I don't think I know how to be "just friends" with a guy right now. My mind would be in the clouds...ha!) I just really need and desire stable, consistent friends---friends that share my morals, bring newness to my life, and have the ability to bring out the best in me and vice versa.  

As I mentioned on my previous posting, this week/weekend was just weird. I got hit with a plague of loneliness mixed with emptiness inside, but I didn't really let it show outwardly. I was hit with this "plague" a  few times last year, and I believe those were growing points where God was breaking me so I could be more like He created me to be. I'm sensing that is the case this time around as well, because I know I will be drawing near to Him soon for answers and comfort. To be continued....