I need to repent...

So I'm sitting here at like 1 am leaning over my Bible reading Isaiah 61 and crying my eyes out. (For real.) That chapter is entitled "The Year of the Lord's Favor." I've read this chapter before but of course if you are a regular Bible reader then you know that no verse always sounds the same. There's new revelation just waiting to be revealed. As I continuously questioned God about who I am, He sent me to this chapter. 

So as I was sitting here reading this I asked God "how can I possibly get there?" It's good to know that He has called me for a purpose and that's something I've never questioned because I've always known. But I asked Him, God how will I ever get there!? Is there anything holding me up?

As I pondered this question over and over, I felt the spirit of God tell me that I've ALLOWED people to put me in a box. That is all too true because I have. No one has experienced all the gifts God has blessed me with because I'm still learning more about them myself. But I think about moments I've done some form of ministry and afterwards someone will usually say, "I didn't know you had all that in you!?" Although I'm sure it's meant as a compliment, sometimes I want to snap back with a "Of course you didn't! Because you don't really know me!"

I don't mean it in a self righteous way but when people say that, what I really hear is "Woah! You've stepped out of that box I had you locked in!" I guess because I've always been slow to speak and more observant than extra talkative, people equate that to only being able to accomplish certain tasks. But based off of what God has called me to do, He revealed to me that those very qualities is what will bring HIM glory. It won't be deniable, that it is truly the Spirit of God that is flowing through me and not my own power.

As a teenager, I would do speaking engagements and I would never tell anyone. Because I was tired of hearing, "I didn't know you could do that!" I didn't like that it was such a big deal. I remember thinking "why is it THAT surprising? lol The holy spirit can use anyone." So instead of hearing that, I would just keep it to myself. (And close family members of course.)

But what God revealed to me was this, I've been ashamed of my anointing. Talk about an unexpected answer! lol Everyone is anointed for something, but the very things I've been anointed to do are the very things that I've wanted to hide. I guess that's why the anointing chooses us and we don't choose the anointing. I REALLY dislike attention. But I've realized that the last year or so, God has unexpectedly put me on display with little control on my part.

For example, I wrote a blog a while ago about going to an open mic to do a poem, getting on stage and ending up preaching hahahaha "Who was that????" Crazy thing is I didn't want to sit down. It took me back to being a little kid, teenager, even now as a young adult (lol) preaching in the mirror with a hairbrush. I remember thinking "God no one was suppose to REALLY see that!" And even getting put on the spot to do spoken word at a conference. (As I sat chilling in the back only to be called to the front.)

The anointing God has placed on my life will require me to step out. And I've realized I'm not 100 percent comfortable with that. Some people JUST WANT TO BE SEEN. That is so not me lol I remember sharing with one of my big brothers about one of the assignments God requires of me and he said, "How do you REALLY feel about that?" (Now realizing that his emphasis on REALLY was an indicator that he knew something I had yet to find out.) And I answered, "it's cool", not knowing that the assignment would require more than what I had prepared to offer.

(I hope yall appreciate my transparency because this is new to me lol And I'm being extra real but I was led to share.)

So the chapter that God led me to in Isaiah gave me much needed encouragement. I do understand however that just being aware of gifts doesn't put you in a position to use it ASAP. Operating out of a premature gift can cause havoc. You need wisdom and understanding before you can properly FLOW so of course certain areas need patience.

So I say all this to say, do not allow the "box" that people will OFTEN try to place you in become your own personal jail. You can convince yourself that that's where you are comfortable and should be, when truly that's not where you belong. Although people will have opinions about you based on what they've grown accustomed to, they don't really know YOU. They only know what you're hiding behind. And the real you is still working its way through the disguise (Talking to myself) I'm just humbled that God wants to use me. How selfish of me to hide such a blessing. "You will be used for things far beyond what you believe you qualify for!"

I WILL NOT BE ASHAMED OF THE ANOINTING!

Well anyway, Bless God!

I'm out. I'm about to go pray and repent lol For real.

Peace.

Season of Seclusion

According to Exodus 34:14, God is a very jealous God. And it has become evident to me that God truly loves and cares for us so much, that even though we are nowhere near perfect, He still wants to build a relationship with us. The more I think on that, the more I realize that God literally has NO conditions for His love because we ALL have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. (Romans 3:23) But yet, He still wants us. That truly blows my mind because it causes me to think about how easily we'll give up on someone who disappoints us or hurts us. 

We must walk in the same patience that God holds for us. So in a season of seclusion, there are some things you must put on hold because God is trying to perform a work in you. And if He has already begun it, if we continue to hold on to things that should either be cut off or put on hold, than we're hindering our growth and prosperity. And the bible does say that if the work has begun, it WILL be continued to completion. (Philippians 1:6)

So may times God sees so many things that are taking our focus and our attention. And because He's a jealous God, He'll tell us to let go of some things, people &/or situations, so that we can regain our focus on Him. When we agree to discipleship, we agree to accept everything that comes with it. It reminds me of a song with lyrics that say "He never said it would be easy but you're a winner in the end. Jesus defeated all your enemies way before the fight began." We were never guaranteed a life without trials and hardships. But the difference between a Christian and a nonbeliever is that as Christians, we know it will all work out for our good and the good of those around us. We are offered an alternative way of seeing bad situations by being able to see the big picture, not just our current situation but the blessings that will come from our obedience perserverance and continuous pursuit of God.



When God calls us to a season of "aloneness" it's easy to feel "alone" because that's what our flesh tells us, if no one is around, then we're lonely. But someone with spiritual maturity understands that being alone can be one of the greatest blessings because God can speak to you much more clearly when He is the only one you expect to hear from. When you're in a season of seclusion, you expect a word from God because no one else is around.

Now when we walk in the flesh, we feel that we NEED someone around. We hear God saying, "Seperate yourself" but we don't want to because we're afraid to be alone. But aloneness does not mean lonely and if you're feeling lonely, it's because God is calling you to Him. Being lonely means you have a void. Take it from someone who knows, the devil will entice you with temporary "fillers" and most often it's things and people we can see so we jump on the opportunity because we're guaranteed an immediate relief. But the thing about that is it's only temporary. God makes Himself avaliable to provide us with anything and fill any void but because we can't see Him and we must SEEK Him, we tend to not have the patience to pursue Him. BUT the "filler" He provides us with is the only thing that won't fail. It can be compared to the lottery. Some people would rather pay a couple dollars to buy a scratch ticket in hopes of winning instant money instead of sewing 10% into the church and waiting patiently for the harvest. God won't forget the coveant He has promised us and we MUST also remember. So by being obedient and secluding ourselves, we have more time to SEEK Him, resulting in a closer, more intimate relationship with Him and an opportunity for Him to work on us and fill any voids that may be present.

Psalms 139:15 says, "My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in secret." If God made us in a secret place, doesn't it make sense that He would occassionally need to get us alone and take us back to that secret place to adjust us and mold us. God is the POTTER. So how can we, the clay, tell Him not only what we want to be but also WHERE He should mold us. That's pretty much what we do when God tells us to let go of some things for a season or for good but we continue to hold on to it. We're not going to always want to let go of people or things but God needs to seclude us because He has work to do and He doesn't want our focus elsewhere. I encourage everyone who is in their season of seclusion like myself, to take a moment and just praise God for loving and caring about us so much that not only does He want us to Himself but He also has so much He's trying to use us for. I'm brought to tears everytime I think about the fact that God wants to use ME! When I didn't even want to be used, He continued to call my name. How awesome is God??!?!

(Had to go cry real quick but I'm BACK! lol) He should've dismissed all of us already but He chose us for our own individual assignments and He's a faithful God so I bow down to Him for not leaving me in the dust but for dusting me off each and everytime I chose to sit in dirt, each time I chose to focus elsewhere, each time I chose to turn my back on Him. I'm so unworthy but He's continued to call me. I owe Him more than I can ever repay but Jesus is our example so I give Him my life. He's called me to that secret place where it's just me and Him and the things He's doing in me is beyond words. Stay tuned. You will see the miracles of God once all these things in me finally manifest. My Redeemer..Letting Him work!


2 Chronicles 31:21 "In everything He undertook in the service of God's temple and obedience to the law and the commands, He sought His God and worked wholeheartedly. And so He prospered."
Selah.