Ugh! lol

So I did a pretty strenuous fast a couple weeks ago and I received confirmation on my calling. I kind of got out of myself during my quiet time on one of those days. By out of myself I mean nothing was in the way, not my mind or anything. I had more clarity than ever. I was truely in a different realm and I loved every second of it. One thing that God has shown me is that my ability to walk in forgiveness is not quite up to par yet. I can't do the assignment God has given me properly if I can't completely forgive.
Forgiveness is a part of moving on and life comes with many persecutions. But its not about the persecution, its about the way you handle it. To say the least, the past two years I've felt betrayed more than I probably ever have before. Being that I thought I was in a season where those around me would go "easy" on me because I had so much going on, come to find out, I was wrong! Lol I was not exempt from being talked about, lied on, manipulated, etc and I had to step back and ask if I had prayed for anything specific. Then I realized, I asked God to show me the proper way to forgive. In return, I was faced with situations that forced me to stare forgiveness in the face.
Forgiveness is hard especially when you're in a situation like mine. I've come across so many people with hidden intentions and forgiveness has never come easily for me. One of my male friends has the ability to walk in love like no one else I know. I often go to him and vent about things pertaining to forgiveness and he always comes with a word on walking in love. I want to get to that place, where forgiveness comes just as natural as hostility. I understand that everyone can't and shouldn't be trusted but to get to a place where I can genuinely look at someone and say "you hurt me in this way or that way but I forgive you and love you anyway" is quite difficult.
But God has forgiven and loved each of us through everything we've ever asked forgiveness for so who am I to hold a grudge. I know I'm required to forgive. It just seems that the past year and a half has probably been the hardest year of forgiveness. I felt God saying that every person who seems to have my back won't, and many. have false intentions but that comes with the assignment. So I need to learn how to handle it and love people regardless.
Definitely one of my bigger challenges but I'm open to learn how because its required and I must live above the standard. I can't have unforgiveness clogging up my heart!